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People often ask me about my greatest loss. I end up smiling.
It was second semester. 5th march 201X. Saturday. Holiday. I woke up, and saw a message, "Bhai yaar ****** ki death ho gayi hai."
I knew 4 people with that name. And one of them was my closest friend. And I selfishly thought the supposed dead person should not be him.
I asked him and my worst fear came true. My best friend was dead. I asked him is he sure..?? He said most probably.
I called ******. Switched off. I called his sister. She didn't pick up. I called my dad and told him. He said not to worry and he'll tell me the truth. A few minutes later I got a call from a friend saying he's in ICU, and very very critical. Hope, I thought.
Minutes later, my dad called and told the same. ICU. Critical. More hope. He shall survive.
I quickly got ready, and took a bus. 10 hour journey. Tears would just not stop flowing. Every 30 minutes I called my dad and asked him the progress. He would say the same thing. Critical. Hope. He shall survive.
Every now and then some friend will message and tell me how ****** met with an accident, and was in a critical condition. More hope.
In the evening, a friend messaged me and said he's dead. I said no he's critical, and ask her to call my dad to confirm. She replied a few minutes later saying yes he's very very critical. More hope.
Wait! She sounded very very confident when she said he's dead. And later she took a complete turn around. I suspected something. I asked her the name of the hospital. I reached there after an hour. And my worst fear came true.
My friend was dead. DEAD. His dead body was lying in front of me. His face was disfigured a bit, but I could still recognize him. Suddenly I realised all the tears had vanished. I went numb. And suddenly I got a message from one of my friends, "****** met with an accident and his condition is still critical."
I understood everything now. I went home. My dad told me his condition is still critical. I said I'm just coming from the hospital after seeing his dead body. For some reason, my voice was plain, and I wasn't crying anymore.
Whole night I kept thinking of him. How he was one of the first friends I made in school. How I used to tease him. We shared samosa while coming back after submitting the IIT-JEE form. He told me the story of WANTED movie, spoiling the suspense. We bunked classes. He didn't come on the day of inspection, or else he would've got the award for 100% attendance.
He loved a girl. From childhood. Yesterday night we were talking on the phone. 11:30 a.m. I convinced him that he'll go to her college and talk to her. Enough of years of hesitation. And he agreed. He was going to do this today. While crossing the road, he got hit by a car enroute to the airport, and was dead on the spot.
That guy immediately took him to the nearby hospital, and the whole family missed their flight. He was declared brought dead. And his family was kept in the dark. They will be told tomorrow. I was kept in the dark too, by my dad, and he messaged all my friends too. Fine, that was to keep me alright.
We all assembled at his home the next day. I met his dad. He looked weak but was holding himself up. His sister was shattered. His mom refused to believe he's gone. I met some friends there. We all had tears in our eyes. I left for college the same night.
Something changed that very day. He was the only one I used to confide in. I told him everything, whether some girl rejected me, my depression, the thing about my parents' affairs etc. Everything. And now that he was gone, suddenly I felt I had no one to talk to. About my feelings. About my thoughts. About my dreams. About my problems. About my LIFE. And till now, this thing has remained the same. I could never shared my emotions with someone again. No one. And today, I'm not sure if I do have any emotion left in me.
Today I realize that was not just the loss of a closest friend. With him, a part of me died too, and I could never get it back again. Today, I'm not sure if I even want to.
I couldn't muster courage to meet his parents. I visited them exactly a year later. 5th March. They were all chill. Laughing, cracking jokes and all. Her mom was angry at me. I said I'll visit them twice a month from now on. And I did.
I attended her sister's wedding, and I'm in touch with his parents too. I'm going to perform all the duties of a son whenever required.
Sometimes I feel they have moved on, and contended in their lives. Everyone has moved on. And I'm still stuck there, as not even a single day passes when I don't think of him. Consciously or Subconsciously. It's been years, and the only people with who I share my feelings are my journals! Whenever someone mentions him, I go quiet. My brain stops working, and I just end up going through that day again.
I hope no one has to go through all this, and to all those who went through something like this at some point, I empathize with you all.
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Comments
It was second semester. 5th march 201X. Saturday. Holiday. I woke up, and saw a message, "Bhai yaar ****** ki death ho gayi hai."
I knew 4 people with that name. And one of them was my closest friend. And I selfishly thought the supposed dead person should not be him.
I asked him and my worst fear came true. My best friend was dead. I asked him is he sure..?? He said most probably.
I called ******. Switched off. I called his sister. She didn't pick up. I called my dad and told him. He said not to worry and he'll tell me the truth. A few minutes later I got a call from a friend saying he's in ICU, and very very critical. Hope, I thought.
Minutes later, my dad called and told the same. ICU. Critical. More hope. He shall survive.
I quickly got ready, and took a bus. 10 hour journey. Tears would just not stop flowing. Every 30 minutes I called my dad and asked him the progress. He would say the same thing. Critical. Hope. He shall survive.
Every now and then some friend will message and tell me how ****** met with an accident, and was in a critical condition. More hope.
In the evening, a friend messaged me and said he's dead. I said no he's critical, and ask her to call my dad to confirm. She replied a few minutes later saying yes he's very very critical. More hope.
Wait! She sounded very very confident when she said he's dead. And later she took a complete turn around. I suspected something. I asked her the name of the hospital. I reached there after an hour. And my worst fear came true.
My friend was dead. DEAD. His dead body was lying in front of me. His face was disfigured a bit, but I could still recognize him. Suddenly I realised all the tears had vanished. I went numb. And suddenly I got a message from one of my friends, "****** met with an accident and his condition is still critical."
I understood everything now. I went home. My dad told me his condition is still critical. I said I'm just coming from the hospital after seeing his dead body. For some reason, my voice was plain, and I wasn't crying anymore.
Whole night I kept thinking of him. How he was one of the first friends I made in school. How I used to tease him. We shared samosa while coming back after submitting the IIT-JEE form. He told me the story of WANTED movie, spoiling the suspense. We bunked classes. He didn't come on the day of inspection, or else he would've got the award for 100% attendance.
He loved a girl. From childhood. Yesterday night we were talking on the phone. 11:30 a.m. I convinced him that he'll go to her college and talk to her. Enough of years of hesitation. And he agreed. He was going to do this today. While crossing the road, he got hit by a car enroute to the airport, and was dead on the spot.
That guy immediately took him to the nearby hospital, and the whole family missed their flight. He was declared brought dead. And his family was kept in the dark. They will be told tomorrow. I was kept in the dark too, by my dad, and he messaged all my friends too. Fine, that was to keep me alright.
We all assembled at his home the next day. I met his dad. He looked weak but was holding himself up. His sister was shattered. His mom refused to believe he's gone. I met some friends there. We all had tears in our eyes. I left for college the same night.
Something changed that very day. He was the only one I used to confide in. I told him everything, whether some girl rejected me, my depression, the thing about my parents' affairs etc. Everything. And now that he was gone, suddenly I felt I had no one to talk to. About my feelings. About my thoughts. About my dreams. About my problems. About my LIFE. And till now, this thing has remained the same. I could never shared my emotions with someone again. No one. And today, I'm not sure if I do have any emotion left in me.
Today I realize that was not just the loss of a closest friend. With him, a part of me died too, and I could never get it back again. Today, I'm not sure if I even want to.
I couldn't muster courage to meet his parents. I visited them exactly a year later. 5th March. They were all chill. Laughing, cracking jokes and all. Her mom was angry at me. I said I'll visit them twice a month from now on. And I did.
I attended her sister's wedding, and I'm in touch with his parents too. I'm going to perform all the duties of a son whenever required.
Sometimes I feel they have moved on, and contended in their lives. Everyone has moved on. And I'm still stuck there, as not even a single day passes when I don't think of him. Consciously or Subconsciously. It's been years, and the only people with who I share my feelings are my journals! Whenever someone mentions him, I go quiet. My brain stops working, and I just end up going through that day again.
I hope no one has to go through all this, and to all those who went through something like this at some point, I empathize with you all.
Good Night Everyone!
This is for your best friend. 'See you again' by Wiz Khalifa