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Public Diary of an Aspirant

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  • They were a beautiful couple. Married for 9 years. Belonged to a middle-class family. He used to perform marriage rituals and other ceremonies and that money were enough to sustain. She did not complain and they were happy in what they had. They have two sons one 6 years old and another 2 years old munchkin. Its a picture of all happiness and cuteness.

    On one Sunday, the couple was taking the 6-year-old to a doctor for some minor cold. This was in June 2017 On their way back, while driving out of nowhere some dogs appeared, the guy changed the direction to avoid collision with the dog. the bike lost control and fell down. She fell and hurt her head behind with blood flowing out. She was rushed to the hospital. The guy also had a lot of injuries. But the child was safe. Nothing happened to the kid.

    The wife succumbed to her injuries 3 days after and left her husband and children in agony.

    The guy went into depression, took onto drinking, became a heavy drinker, so heavy that he went unrecognizable. His mother in law took the kids with her for some days. Meanwhile, he started puking blood, but that did not stop his drinking. When the guy's elder brother took him to a hospital, the doctors told that if he continues this way, he won't survive for long as his liver has given up.

    One year later on 27-6-2018, the man also passed away leaving his kids as orphans. The kids are now 7 years and 3 years old.

    What was the children's fault? Why did this happen to them? They do have extended relatives but no one will take care of them like their own parents.

    I wrote this here because it was burdening me .
  • Where you begin, doesn't determine what you will become. Will power is all that matters.
  • There is a god and his name is evil
  • There is a god and his name is evil
    +1
  • So many faces
    One with a big nose one with the flat nose.. one with bald head one with white hair.. one with wheatish skin one with brown skin.. one with double chin one with long neck.. one with silky hair one with short hair... all inherited and inherited ...
    one race whose 90 percent is taking the sole responsibility of looking after that 2 year old, tying her own timing accordingly, one whose 90% has no right to chose but has to earn a living no matter what.
    Who are we. What is one life? Is it a burden on your head or the time is very less that it scares you?
    How can these people live when life means living in a makeshift tent, why do they want to still see the next day when there is no certainity in life?

    There is only one life and this is it for her, to live in that small dingy room to get up daily in the morning and chop so that her husband can make those sandwiches then leave for her own work. Work means juggling between homes cleaning their utensils, cooking for them, feedig their toddlers.

    His heart skips a beat every time she leaves. He thinks about the future , future in which she will be married to some other man.He regrets his decision of leaving his job because he could not take it anymore. Still his mind wonders what did that guy do right apart from shutting his heart and working day in day out 9 to 5 one a machine he hates, living a life he hates?

    She told her in-laws she got a job offer. Unlike her parents her in-laws were not happy. Giving directions to the maid her mother-in-law thinks if this is what is in store for her old age, she keeps wondering if that girl who worked in a school was better.

    Earlier she had work, she used to get up early in the morning and cook breakfast and lunch for her kids. Those were some tiresome years. Fifteen years of routine! No one prepared her for these days, both her kids studying in some far off city. She gets up in the morning prepares tea , drinks it sometimes with her husband sometimes alone. He leaves for his job while she waits for the maid to come. Now she has washing machine and big tv, something she always wanted. But there is no zeal to watch anything on tv. Her kids rarely call her and when they do she gets fasinated and concerned about their lives in the outside world.

    No one wants to listen to him when he says that life is full of opportunities. Afterall he is an old man nearing his 70s. Well your life just started 5 years ago before that you were at home or in school, there is so much more to come said he. Why do you want to stop living at 26 when all i am doing is living life at 70. Start living young man, there is decades full of life for you, while i got some counted years in kitty! Don't be a fool like me. But alas no one wants to listen to him.


  • edited June 2018
    The weather was not at its best, she was having an uneasy feeling then her phone rings, it was her father. He was missing her so early in the morning, a proud father of a hardworking daughter. He felt warm and loved on hearing her voice. She told him she was going to fly in a 'sick' aircraft. But why? Her father retorted back in concern, she assured him it will probably not fly today.

    Both the pilots knew the weather was not right. There was an uneasiness in their hearts and they discussed it among themselves. While talking to her husband she told him that she'll probably not fly today. Well today was not different than the other days, it had happened many times before in her long career.

    Still the aircraft was ordered to take the scheduled flight. Should she go with her instinct? Call it off? No, that is not a choice !

    Hours later we have families wailing over an incident that could have been averted. Their beloved daughters and sons. All this time they knew, they were feeling uneasy since morning, why? Why did it happen to their loved ones? Oh someone bring them back for once.


  • I don't believe in marriage.

    So many people have asked me the reason, and I often end up telling them how marriage doesn't fit into the ambitious life I desire.

    I'm taking this opportunity to write one of the darkest truths of my life. Probably the darkest!

    I was in the college second semester, and my birthday was a month away. I went home, and for the first time I saw something was different. My parents were not talking as they used to. Something has definitely changed in the past one month since I had visited them last. There was a certain communication gap, and I could sense there is something more than they were showing me.

    I asked my siblings. They kept quite. The drama unfolded that very same night. My mom and dad hurled abuses to each other, blamed each other for the failed marriage, and vowed never to talk to each other. Yes! My parents were having affairs.

    It took a while for this feeling to sunk in. It was an arrange marriage. A marriage which worked perfectly for 18 years. It was suddenly in shambles. And I knew the worst was yet to come.

    I spent the next upcoming days trying to mediate, desperate to save this marriage. I used to be whole lot emotional, and I used to break down every hour and then. I tried everything I could. No use.

    The pain started to lessen. I experienced the numbness for the first time, and slowly I started to sink in depression. Depression doesn't always mean pain, and that was the first time I experienced that.

    I went back to college. As a completely changed person. I stopped playing table tennis, stopped going out in the evening with friends, stopped listening to songs, started bunking classes just to remain alone, and stopped talking to my roommates altogether.

    It was my birthday. And parents dropped the bomb. They had decided to file a divorce. This was the worst birthday gift anyone could ever get. I've never celebrated my birthday again.

    I couldn't sleep that whole night. I remembered my childhood, and the memories with my parents flashed across me. I remembered how when I was tired walking, my mom and my dad would take turns to lift me in their arms. How they praised me in front of other parents for my non-stubborn and disciplined behaviour. How I made them proud through my academic excellence. How emotional they were when they came to drop me off to my college.

    I was gifted a diary in the morning. I started to pen down my thoughts, the first time I did that. I never knew how far this act would take me.

    I stopped talking to my parents. Both of them. I decided I'd do some part time job. I was 18, and I wanted the custody of my siblings, as they wanted to live with me instead of my dad and my mom.

    Suddenly, after some days things started to change. Within 2 months, everything was back to square one. My parents were on talking terms again, and their affairs issue was resolved I guess. After some months, my siblings convinced me to talk to my parents again. But I could never trust them again. That what just happened would not happen again.

    It's been years since that happened. And my parents are so much in love again. Whenever I see them together, I end up smiling. But the scars remain, and whenever they ask me for marriage, I say I'd never marry, as my professional life would not allow that. They don't reply back. Probably they know the reason, probably they don't. I sympathize with them, but deep inside I know I can never do something to a child which I went through myself.

    Good Night Everyone!
  • I don't believe in marriage.

    So many people have asked me the reason, and I often end up telling them how marriage doesn't fit into the ambitious life I desire.

    I'm taking this opportunity to write one of the darkest truths of my life. Probably the darkest!

    I was in the college second semester, and my birthday was a month away. I went home, and for the first time I saw something was different. My parents were not talking as they used to. Something has definitely changed in the past one month since I had visited them last. There was a certain communication gap, and I could sense there is something more than they were showing me.

    I asked my siblings. They kept quite. The drama unfolded that very same night. My mom and dad hurled abuses to each other, blamed each other for the failed marriage, and vowed never to talk to each other. Yes! My parents were having affairs.

    It took a while for this feeling to sunk in. It was an arrange marriage. A marriage which worked perfectly for 18 years. It was suddenly in shambles. And I knew the worst was yet to come.

    I spent the next upcoming days trying to mediate, desperate to save this marriage. I used to be whole lot emotional, and I used to break down every hour and then. I tried everything I could. No use.

    The pain started to lessen. I experienced the numbness for the first time, and slowly I started to sink in depression. Depression doesn't always mean pain, and that was the first time I experienced that.

    I went back to college. As a completely changed person. I stopped playing table tennis, stopped going out in the evening with friends, stopped listening to songs, started bunking classes just to remain alone, and stopped talking to my roommates altogether.

    It was my birthday. And parents dropped the bomb. They had decided to file a divorce. This was the worst birthday gift anyone could ever get. I've never celebrated my birthday again.

    I couldn't sleep that whole night. I remembered my childhood, and the memories with my parents flashed across me. I remembered how when I was tired walking, my mom and my dad would take turns to lift me in their arms. How they praised me in front of other parents for my non-stubborn and disciplined behaviour. How I made them proud through my academic excellence. How emotional they were when they came to drop me off to my college.

    I was gifted a diary in the morning. I started to pen down my thoughts, the first time I did that. I never knew how far this act would take me.

    I stopped talking to my parents. Both of them. I decided I'd do some part time job. I was 18, and I wanted the custody of my siblings, as they wanted to live with me instead of my dad and my mom.

    Suddenly, after some days things started to change. Within 2 months, everything was back to square one. My parents were on talking terms again, and their affairs issue was resolved I guess. After some months, my siblings convinced me to talk to my parents again. But I could never trust them again. That what just happened would not happen again.

    It's been years since that happened. And my parents are so much in love again. Whenever I see them together, I end up smiling. But the scars remain, and whenever they ask me for marriage, I say I'd never marry, as my professional life would not allow that. They don't reply back. Probably they know the reason, probably they don't. I sympathize with them, but deep inside I know I can never do something to a child which I went through myself.

    Good Night Everyone!
    mod note: plss stop
  • I don't believe in marriage.

    So many people have asked me the reason, and I often end up telling them how marriage doesn't fit into the ambitious life I desire.

    I'm taking this opportunity to write one of the darkest truths of my life. Probably the darkest!

    I was in the college second semester, and my birthday was a month away. I went home, and for the first time I saw something was different. My parents were not talking as they used to. Something has definitely changed in the past one month since I had visited them last. There was a certain communication gap, and I could sense there is something more than they were showing me.

    I asked my siblings. They kept quite. The drama unfolded that very same night. My mom and dad hurled abuses to each other, blamed each other for the failed marriage, and vowed never to talk to each other. Yes! My parents were having affairs.

    It took a while for this feeling to sunk in. It was an arrange marriage. A marriage which worked perfectly for 18 years. It was suddenly in shambles. And I knew the worst was yet to come.

    I spent the next upcoming days trying to mediate, desperate to save this marriage. I used to be whole lot emotional, and I used to break down every hour and then. I tried everything I could. No use.

    The pain started to lessen. I experienced the numbness for the first time, and slowly I started to sink in depression. Depression doesn't always mean pain, and that was the first time I experienced that.

    I went back to college. As a completely changed person. I stopped playing table tennis, stopped going out in the evening with friends, stopped listening to songs, started bunking classes just to remain alone, and stopped talking to my roommates altogether.

    It was my birthday. And parents dropped the bomb. They had decided to file a divorce. This was the worst birthday gift anyone could ever get. I've never celebrated my birthday again.

    I couldn't sleep that whole night. I remembered my childhood, and the memories with my parents flashed across me. I remembered how when I was tired walking, my mom and my dad would take turns to lift me in their arms. How they praised me in front of other parents for my non-stubborn and disciplined behaviour. How I made them proud through my academic excellence. How emotional they were when they came to drop me off to my college.

    I was gifted a diary in the morning. I started to pen down my thoughts, the first time I did that. I never knew how far this act would take me.

    I stopped talking to my parents. Both of them. I decided I'd do some part time job. I was 18, and I wanted the custody of my siblings, as they wanted to live with me instead of my dad and my mom.

    Suddenly, after some days things started to change. Within 2 months, everything was back to square one. My parents were on talking terms again, and their affairs issue was resolved I guess. After some months, my siblings convinced me to talk to my parents again. But I could never trust them again. That what just happened would not happen again.

    It's been years since that happened. And my parents are so much in love again. Whenever I see them together, I end up smiling. But the scars remain, and whenever they ask me for marriage, I say I'd never marry, as my professional life would not allow that. They don't reply back. Probably they know the reason, probably they don't. I sympathize with them, but deep inside I know I can never do something to a child which I went through myself.

    Good Night Everyone!

  • "He who laughs, lasts."
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