Regarding cut-off and related anxiety

cbkg

People don't worry, writing Upsc since 2014, my fourth attempt in 2017, scored ~130 easily in 2016. My personal opinion "cutoff will never ever cross 105 for GM". I wish it would come down further below 100! Best way is to start preparing if you are scoring 95+. Belive me, Cutoff will be surprisingly low this time, note my words. It would be around 100 IMO. Don't waste time, go study, enjoy the journey, mourning won't lead you anywhere, do it joyfully!!

Thanks.

Phoenix Lights

@KhatoonKamyab
Whats your score mam?

D_Shan

@KhatoonKamyab lovely post!
I have always cleared prelims before(twice) but this year has been huge letdown and i am stuck at a score of around 95..having cried for 2-3 days post prelims,i finally decided that it's no use thinking of what's been done.This whole exam needs knowledge as well as luck.Also there are chinks in my armor,faults in my prep and i have to rectify them.will study for mains from today and continue chaahe jo bhi result ho:)
I wish u all the best and hope u qualify and fulfill ur IPS dream!i really think that all 100+scorers(after counting the 'real' controversial questions incorrect)have a chance this year

Aap b apna controversial question bata do.

alka

@KhatoonKamyab I am writing this because of you.

I love words. I am obsessed with all form of visual arts. I can look at star charts for hours and I own a tiny telescope. Loving these can't get you anywhere, can it? Neither will it make you a good son/daughter.

I am also a postgraduate from a premier Institute with hons and a gold medal, so I had a good thing going on career wise. And in my native, it was pure gold.

Then CSE happened. I wrote mains in my first attempt. Then, a cycle of sadness and despair.

Couple of year fast forward, CSE is a thing of past for me. I teach engineering grads in a premier Institute. I give myself solace saying that this is my chance to work for flaws in technical education in country, and I love all my kids there, but I can't stop thinking about LBSNAA and life thereafter.

I have age and attempt both for CSE, I don't if it's a good thing or bad... But you know, enough about myself, I would like to say something to all of you out there, everyone like khatoon.

This is coming straight from heart. You are all no less than a warrior. I respect you, and I want you to win, assuming what attracts you towards services is not grey. I want you to get in, it feels like I know you, reading your posts over years and years, and I want you to do what I could never achieve.

A big hug.

I thought you will never visit forum again ...

+1
@alka if u dun mind sharing, which subjects do u teach? do u miss ur kids? i remember how u'd shared their pics once

@race glad to know you remember kids. I will miss kids as long as I am working away from Delhi.
It's Materials Engineering.

Yo_Yo_Choti_Singh

I have started studying even though my score isnt such that I can be confident. I dont even have the cushion of another attempt (don't deny it ya'll; it does blunt the sharp fall a person takes failing at any stage). Yet I will study like crazy- give a good number of hours, study GS and my optional each day. I'll remember the passion I feel for the job I want which is nothing less than God's work in my eyes...

I cried a lot. I spoke to assholes of "friends" who told me to not hope at all and let it go. One said he'd change his name if the cut off went below 107. Cried more. Another said think of options. Howled.

Then after a while a lull took over. I was sad and heartbroken...Felt in my bones the words of my favourite poet Avtar Singh paash "Sabto khatarnaak hai sade supneya da mar jana" (Deadliest is the death of our dreams) probably with the same intensity he may have written them with.
I'm a really optimistic and passionate person but this was a blow which knocked me to the ground, face down, from which I just couldn't pick myself up. 3 days passed-- people on forum made me cry so much more.

Finally, crying at 3 AM, all alone in the dark, words of another very loved poet (PS- I am very sensitive to the literary word and I truly believe poets are magicians and god's delegates here on earth) just came to me. Just like that. Got up and searched for the book which had the whole nazm.
Read it. cried. re-read it and then alllll the strength and self-belief flooded my veins

Here it is for anyone who cares (annoyingly annotated with my interpretations etc; please ignore; sometimes I just can't help myself)..I pray it works as a soothing balm to you to and you feel as healed as I did and have since

Ham par tumhari chaah ka ilzam hi to hai
(I am accused of desiring you IPS)
Dushnam to nahi hai ye ikram hi to hai
(Not an abuse but it is an honour to me)

Karte hai jis pe taan, koi jurm to nahin
(Those who are taunting me, it is no crime)
Shauq-e-fazul o ulfat-e-nakam hi to hai
(No useless pursuit, it is only unrequited love ;( )

Dil muddayi ke harf-e-malamat se shaad hai
(My heart's still happy by the words of humiliation that are thrown my way by accusers, accusing me of dreaming so and failing multiple times; calling me a loser)
Ai jan-e-jan ye harf tera naam hi to hai
(My beloved IPS these words are an association to you only; an association/accusation of dreaming and desiring the good work you would have empowered me to do..lives you would have empowered me to elevate)

DIL NA UMEED TO NAHIN..NAKAM HI TO HAI
(The words that came to me at night..my heart is still not hopeless, even though I've seen multiple failures)
LAMBI HAI GHAM KI SHAAM MAGAR SHAAM HI TO HAI
(This evening of sorrow doesn't seem to end for me, but SO WHAT! I know it is only but an evening )

dast-e-falak mein gardish-e-taqdeer to nahi
(The hand of sky or the creator hasnt written this to be destiny, for I believe I write my destiny)
dast-e-falak mein gardish-e-ayyaam hi to hai
(It is only the creator showing me a few bad days)

Akhir to ek roz karegi nazar vafaa
(one day UPSC shall find me worthy of your honour, o' uniform)
vo yaar-e-khush-khisal sar-e-bam hi to hai
(My beloved with unparalleled qualities, you're only sitting at the top of the terrace; and all I need to do is elevate my being- intellectual, emotional and physical to reach you!)

Bhigi hai raat 'faiz' ghazal ibtida karo
(The night is drenched with my tears and sweat, begin your ghazal Faiz)
vaqt-e-sarod dard ka hangaam hi to hai
(The music of the moment is the clamour of my searing pain afterall)

~~Magician Faiz Ahmed Faiz

I was reminded that I will always wear the pursuit of my passion to join the IPS, and do the amazing work I want to do, provide the dignity my fellow compatriots are denied like a badge of honour. Even in the face of my personal tragedy I will continue to believe I can and remain optimistic..Lambi hai gham ki shaam to kya?! SHAAM HI TO HAI!!

Suddenly read this.. just two words to say.. " SALUTE MAM ! "

ATB !!.. from deepest of my heart ! Shared your lovely thoughts at many places/friends

everybodylies

@KhatoonKamyab lovely post!
I have always cleared prelims before(twice) but this year has been huge letdown and i am stuck at a score of around 95..having cried for 2-3 days post prelims,i finally decided that it's no use thinking of what's been done.This whole exam needs knowledge as well as luck.Also there are chinks in my armor,faults in my prep and i have to rectify them.will study for mains from today and continue chaahe jo bhi result ho:)
I wish u all the best and hope u qualify and fulfill ur IPS dream!i really think that all 100+scorers(after counting the 'real' controversial questions incorrect)have a chance this year

Aap b apna controversial question bata do.

just let it go friend!what is controversial that only upsc will decide,jo mere liye controversial h maybe wo aapke liye na ho,so chhodo ye sab(my mistake i should have framed the last line in my previous comment in a better way)..seen so many people on forum scaring each other by increasing the no.of doubtful questions.it's time to start studying without caring about the results:)

King_Arthur

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

THUNDERBOLT_RETURNS

Thanks for this thread, really needed it in such uncertain times, its good to see that i am not alone in such a precarious situation. Hope things work out in our favor. Now its all upto god.

sunnysingh

aaj thread kuch zada philosophical nhi ho gya

momojohn

CSE is like opium, got chance to write mains two times, but not time to prepare as work was hectic. Give up job and start preparing since last year because IPS was becoming an obsession. Miss pre 2016 by 2 marks. Now this year stuck between 99-102 (OBC) Just hoping cut off drops.