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Kindly evaluate my essay!!

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Comments

  • edited January 2017
    In my opinion (i may be wrong)

    1. Introduction you could have written hypothetical story in a different way instead of using "my son"
    2. When you start it "appears" you take pride in your culture but you are also rigid against change
    3. Rural to Urban Migration & Slum proliferation has very less to do with Dish TV

    I feel you have not covered multiple dimensions. I can't think of many at the moment, some i could suggest

    4. You could have explored further areas (Political Change and its influence) like with greater access to information leading to Culture of Rational Thinking, Questioning.
    5. Social Changes which has affected our Culture, blurring of caste lines, giving rise to Class based divisions, Our superstitious beliefs
    6. Economic Changes (live stock market for example) effect on our culture, proliferation of sports betting (may be?)

  • Isko dekhiye frrsback will b helpful in next mains
    Thanks
  • In my opinion (i may be wrong)

    1. Introduction you could have written hypothetical story in a different way instead of using "my son"
    2. When you start it "appears" you take pride in your culture but you are also rigid against change
    3. Rural to Urban Migration & Slum proliferation has very less to do with Dish TV

    I feel you have not covered multiple dimensions. I can't think of many at the moment, some i could suggest

    4. You could have explored further areas (Political Change and its influence) like with greater access to information leading to Culture of Rational Thinking, Questioning.
    5. Social Changes which has affected our Culture, blurring of caste lines, giving rise to Class based divisions, Our superstitious beliefs
    6. Economic Changes (live stock market for example) effect on our culture, proliferation of sports betting (may be?)

    Thank you.

  • edited January 2017
    Try to add more positive points in your essay. Please don't add many pessimistic points to it. As a civil servant you are expected to make things better, even the circumstances and the resources in your hand are not supportive.

    For example, we are living in a multi-cultural nation. The era of satellite TV have seen the spurring of programs that have multi dimensional value. Now, the south people can understand the culture of north and vice versa. Always start and end an essay with positive look.

    The best points you can cover here is
    - How satellite tv era is different from previous era? What were the constraints of the latter? How satellite TV filled those gaps?

    - How it had an impact on our culture? Here you have to make it clear that whether it have an impact or not. If yes whether it is good or bad for the culture and society. Why the previous technology couldn't make such an impact.

    - Then. its impact on our mindset. Try to add more positive points here.

    - Then, write the adverse impacts WITH suggestions to solve them. As a civil servant, you are expected to deliver solutions.

    - Lastly, if you want you can touch on what will be the next stage in the process. IS there any latest tech coming in? How it is going to be MORE beneficial.

    - Then write the conclusion with a >90% positiveness.

    The examples you have mentioned are not good too. For example, 'It is quite apparent that youngsters are no more bothered about whether there will be Babri Masjid or Mandir, at the disputed site. They have embraced the easy way of living, thanks to exposure to world’s different culture.' -------------------->>>>> Are you saying an irresponsible younger generation is good for the country?

    Culture is a very broad term. Try to touch its each and every parts.

    This is my personal view.

    (But man, don't you watch LSTV, RSTV, DD kisan and all?)
  • Isko dekhiye frrsback will b helpful in next mains
    Thanks
    Bhai aapka india ka map bahut aacha laga. :#
  • edited January 2017
    @ ramaswamy .... Your language used in easy is good , flow looks good , but problem is that your essay is bit narrow my friend ... For example you have not covered many dimensions ... And also cultural mindset you have stuck only to western culture ... For example you could have written that through dish tv Indians are today better able to understand diverse indian culture such as discovery channel shows many north eastern culture ... Jallikattu covered by many channels exposed tamil culture to the north ... Things like this u should have written ... One more thing my friend .. Consistently in your essay you have used wearing of short dresses as negative impact .. It might reflect you in negative light as person who is not open to changes ... Short dress worn by today's youth is not a crime ... You could have written due to dish tv foriegn clothing patterns such as jeans and t shirts have made a foray into indian villages hence indians local dressing culture which was a unique feature of indian society is moving towards homogenization .... And your obscene content shown by dish is good ... Also write on political culture impact , also write how pop and rap music is overtaking the classical music and dance ... Also write on how dish tv has enhanced indian minset bias towards fairness ex- fair n lovely advertisement , cover sporting culture influence example - football gaining popularity in country whose sporting culture is dominated by cricket... I do agree with your point of how dish tv is leading to urbanisation ... But you write how ... Otherwise its just you writing a bland statements ...this id what i think about your essay ... Let your mind be open to winds blowing from across the world but don't be blown away by it ... All the best
  • Isko dekhiye frrsback will b helpful in next mains
    Thanks
    Bhai aapka india ka map bahut aacha laga. :#
    Lol
    Essay pein comment karo bhai
  • @Woodpecker
    I donno how many of those who made highly negative and frustrating comments primarily aimed to show supremacy or might be to demoralise ,but never mind!!
    For those who took time to give both positive and negatives ,thanks a lot!
    I have kept all constructive points in my mind.Will try to improve upon them.
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