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Kindly evaluate my essay!!

Dear friends below given is an essay written in exam condition .pls review.
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Comments

  • edited January 2017
    Dear friends below given is an essay written in exam condition .pls review.
    Flow was good.
    Writing style isgood..can a bit more formal(totally personal choice)...
    Tried to Introduce essay innovatively but it could have been a bit better.
    though covered both sides but impression was that of a little negative effect..
    didnot use facts..
    could have elaborated more..
    keep writing.
  • didn't read the whole essay, just the first 2 paras. first things that came to my mind were:
    1. why did u say u have a 8 year old son? either it means u r lying to make the essay interesting, or u got married at a very young age and immediately had a child (doesn't create a good impression for a prospective civil servant), or u are a pretty old aspirant (again doesn't create a good impression).
    2. why are u passively sitting n allowing ur 8 year old son to watch "obscene content" on tv? a 8 yr old child is ur responsibility, the value he learns will be a direct reflection of ur parenting style. u r passively allowing ur 8 yr old child to watch obscene content, and then blaming dish tv for the loss in values. such content are not meant for young children, and it is ur responsibility to make sure ur child does not watch content not suitable for him.
  • didn't read the whole essay, just the first 2 paras. first things that came to my mind were:
    1. why did u say u have a 8 year old son? either it means u r lying to make the essay interesting, or u got married at a very young age and immediately had a child (doesn't create a good impression for a prospective civil servant), or u are a pretty old aspirant (again doesn't create a good impression).
    2. why are u passively sitting n allowing ur 8 year old son to watch "obscene content" on tv? a 8 yr old child is ur responsibility, the value he learns will be a direct reflection of ur parenting style. u r passively allowing ur 8 yr old child to watch obscene content, and then blaming dish tv for the loss in values. such content are not meant for young children, and it is ur responsibility to make sure ur child does not watch content not suitable for him.
    Are you from drishti ias??yaar this is an essay..an innovative introduction has been tried..and you read only 2 paras..why ??

  • Are you from drishti ias??yaar this is an essay..an innovative introduction has been tried..and you read only 2 paras..why ??
    are u an idiot? don't put up essays for review if u don't want honest feedback. i read only 2 paras because i need to study as well. i read it while i was taking a 10 mins break.

  • Are you from drishti ias??yaar this is an essay..an innovative introduction has been tried..and you read only 2 paras..why ??
    are u an idiot? don't put up essays for review if u don't want honest feedback. i read only 2 paras because i need to study as well. i read it while i was taking a 10 mins break.
    Maaf karo bhai..n yup i m not an idiot but you definitely are.Who else will take a 10 mins break n read 2 paras of essay and then waste 10 mins giving both feedback n reply to my comment.UTHA LE BHAGWAAN!!

  • Dear friends below given is an essay written in exam condition .pls review.
    Flow was good.
    Writing style isgood..can a bit more formal(totally personal choice)...
    Tried to Introduce essay innovatively but it could have been a bit better.
    though covered both sides but impression was that of a little negative effect..
    didnot use facts..
    could have elaborated more..
    keep writing.
    Very honest feedback dear!!Thanks a lot!

  • Thank the guy who gave the feedback , no1 ows it to you , and you call hin idiot , thats tooo disrespectful
  • Thank the guy who gave the feedback , no1 ows it to you , and you call hin idiot , thats tooo disrespectful
    Sorry !! THANK YOU @saurabh5799 .i really mean it.keep giving feedback.

  • Sorry to say but you may get single digit mark in this essay. (And also chance of getting single digit mark in 2nd one due to bad impression on examiner)
    Your ideology is openly screaming in this essay.
    Follow centrist approach .... read some good books before writing essays on such a complex topic .... Indian culture is not only Ramayana and Mahabharat .... khajuraho is also part of Indian culture.

    Do not go unnecessary into controversial issues like Babri and Ayodhya .... i quote from Norway Civil services Commission report
    " have command on words because tongue is sharper than sword"

    Good luck !!!
  • Sorry to say but you may get single digit mark in this essay. (And also chance of getting single digit mark in 2nd one due to bad impression on examiner)
    Your ideology is openly screaming in this essay.
    Follow centrist approach .... read some good books before writing essays on such a complex topic .... Indian culture is not only Ramayana and Mahabharat .... khajuraho is also part of Indian culture.

    Do not go unnecessary into controversial issues like Babri and Ayodhya .... i quote from Norway Civil services Commission report
    " have command on words because tongue is sharper than sword"

    Good luck !!!
    Thank you for such a great advice.But scores in essay has been 102 n 107 out of 200 in 2011n 2012 Then 128 n 132 out of 250 2014 n 2015.
    I have tried to be balanced and i know that Ramayana is not the end of our culture.By the way tjis is one essay not two.But still thank you for sharing your wisdom.
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