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I wrote my story on public diary thread. Even a few responses from @crystalheart@Normal11@Raja_Roomani_Khan relieved me immensely. You can write your story here, it may help you too.
Very few could understand what I am going to write here though I am not sure if anyone will read this. I was the youghest in my big joint family. I received a lot of love and attention from all for the fact that i remained youghest for a long time. But as i was growing , i started feeling emotional vacuum due to diminishing attention from others. This emotional gap was filled by songs. Since then, songs became the most important thing for me after food, water and air. I used to listen them for hours. Initially, i was keen on collecting and listening songs but as i was growing young, i wanted to feel every bit of emotions that is there in songs of 70's and 90's. For this i needed to develop a romantic relationship with a girl. Coming from a small town, i could never approach a girl. But during job training after college, a girl herself approached me to forge friendship. After sometime, I told her about my desire of feeling the songs with a girl. One day she acquised to my proposal and we soon became lovers. Our love was quite immatured but utterly intense like it used to be in 90s movies of ' dil hai ki manta nahin'. Our conversation again was similar to those in movies like kuch kuch hota hai.....
But i started realizing she only liked the romantic quotient in me but not me as a whole. I never wanted anything (like commitment, marriage, bf-gf kind of relationship etc) from her except the feeling that she loves me. Lately, she admitted she never loved me but she liked my soft and shy nature. She felt secure as I never showed any lusty gesture nor I was going to reveal our relationship to others.
Whatever lovely things I told her it was straight out of heart, very divine in nature, nothing artificial or delibrate. But she thought it was fake just to cajole or persuade her.
It has been two years since then, i still think about her whenever I am not engrossed in any other activity. Everyday, I weep inconsolaby before falling in sleep. I had visualized each of my song in playlist with her that's why whenever I hear them that makes me even more sad. I started feeling the same vacuum of my childhood which was once nicely filled by songs.(yeh gaane hi toh thein mere pass..jusse mera man lagta tha). Today, I am left with nothing.No likings no motivation. Only salvage is UPSC preparation. Wholeday I either study or think about her. Simple schedule.
I am writing this because I am happy after a long time as I cleared prelims. But since I started preparation only 8 months back after leaving my job, not sure with mains.
I know that no one will read this long post. But if anyone does, god will be kind to me.
Very few could understand what I am going to write here though I am not sure if anyone will read this. I was the youghest in my big joint family. I received a lot of love and attention from all for the fact that i remained youghest for a long time. But as i was growing , i started feeling emotional vacuum due to diminishing attention from others. This emotional gap was filled by songs. Since then, songs became the most important thing for me after food, water and air. I used to listen them for hours. Initially, i was keen on collecting and listening songs but as i was growing young, i wanted to feel every bit of emotions that is there in songs of 70's and 90's. For this i needed to develop a romantic relationship with a girl. Coming from a small town, i could never approach a girl. But during job training after college, a girl herself approached me to forge friendship. After sometime, I told her about my desire of feeling the songs with a girl. One day she acquised to my proposal and we soon became lovers. Our love was quite immatured but utterly intense like it used to be in 90s movies of ' dil hai ki manta nahin'. Our conversation again was similar to those in movies like kuch kuch hota hai.....
But i started realizing she only liked the romantic quotient in me but not me as a whole. I never wanted anything (like commitment, marriage, bf-gf kind of relationship etc) from her except the feeling that she loves me. Lately, she admitted she never loved me but she liked my soft and shy nature. She felt secure as I never showed any lusty gesture nor I was going to reveal our relationship to others.
Whatever lovely things I told her it was straight out of heart, very divine in nature, nothing artificial or delibrate. But she thought it was fake just to cajole or persuade her.
It has been two years since then, i still think about her whenever I am not engrossed in any other activity. Everyday, I weep inconsolaby before falling in sleep. I had visualized each of my song in playlist with her that's why whenever I hear them that makes me even more sad. I started feeling the same vacuum of my childhood which was once nicely filled by songs.(yeh gaane hi toh thein mere pass..jusse mera man lagta tha). Today, I am left with nothing.No likings no motivation. Only salvage is UPSC preparation. Wholeday I either study or think about her. Simple schedule.
I am writing this because I am happy after a long time as I cleared prelims. But since I started preparation only 8 months back after leaving my job, not sure with mains.
I know that no one will read this long post. But if anyone does, god will be kind to me.
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Comments
I was the youghest in my big joint family. I received a lot of love and attention from all for the fact that i remained youghest for a long time. But as i was growing , i started feeling emotional vacuum due to diminishing attention from others.
This emotional gap was filled by songs. Since then, songs became the most important thing for me after food, water and air. I used to listen them for hours.
Initially, i was keen on collecting and listening songs but as i was growing young, i wanted to feel every bit of emotions that is there in songs of 70's and 90's. For this i needed to develop a romantic relationship with a girl. Coming from a small town, i could never approach a girl. But during job training after college, a girl herself approached me to forge friendship. After sometime, I told her about my desire of feeling the songs with a girl. One day she acquised to my proposal and we soon became lovers. Our love was quite immatured but utterly intense like it used to be in 90s movies of ' dil hai ki manta nahin'. Our conversation again was similar to those in movies like kuch kuch hota hai.....
But i started realizing she only liked the romantic quotient in me but not me as a whole. I never wanted anything (like commitment, marriage, bf-gf kind of relationship etc) from her except the feeling that she loves me.
Lately, she admitted she never loved me but she liked my soft and shy nature. She felt secure as I never showed any lusty gesture nor I was going to reveal our relationship to others.
Whatever lovely things I told her it was straight out of heart, very divine in nature, nothing artificial or delibrate. But she thought it was fake just to cajole or persuade her.
It has been two years since then, i still think about her whenever I am not engrossed in any other activity. Everyday, I weep inconsolaby before falling in sleep. I had visualized each of my song in playlist with her that's why whenever I hear them that makes me even more sad. I started feeling the same vacuum of my childhood which was once nicely filled by songs.(yeh gaane hi toh thein mere pass..jusse mera man lagta tha). Today, I am left with nothing.No likings no motivation. Only salvage is UPSC preparation. Wholeday I either study or think about her. Simple schedule.
I am writing this because I am happy after a long time as I cleared prelims. But since I started preparation only 8 months back after leaving my job, not sure with mains.
I know that no one will read this long post. But if anyone does, god will be kind to me.
I read it
hahaha. same here man. No difference between a flooded Brahmaputra and her mails in my inbox
This thread is for scholarly research purpose only.
Like DDLJ's Amrish Puri.