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Please Help Me brothers and sisters.

Hii I am not doing good in my life. I am the last person of my school who is still not a graduate. I am in the final Year of my BA LLB.Most of my friends are settled now.

Feeling depressed, doing some exercise and jogging in the evening still it's not working.

Whenever I have some tough conversation or debate with anyone or When I have to face people directly...(like during my law school Viva) when teachers were asking me few questions I was very nervous and shaking.

However I am very comfortable with my friends but again if there is some argument or something I feel very nervous and my hands and lips starts shaking.

I am also not able to do my basic task like studies... everytime I am promising myself making a new plan ..but each and every time I am not able to make it.

Now I am feeling very guilty,My parents have struggled a lot for my studies.still they are doing.
I use to talk very less with my father.

Last time he called me and said..ab tumhare hath me hi hai sb kuch hai..I don't want anything but if U ll be successful ..Mai samjhuga mera struggle Safal hua..they have lots of hope from me. Last night I cried a lot for not meeting the expectations of my parents and Me.I am trying everytime but I am not getting successful.

I am also facing lots of queries from my relatives and people.I stopped going home now. Right now I m staying in ORN but not taking any coaching.Only joined a test series for mains and Pre.






Comments

  • aise ro rahe ho jaise tumpe vipattiyon ka pahad toot gaya...abhi qtiye ho..grow up
  • Hii I am not doing good in my life. I am the last person of my school who is still not a graduate. I am in the final Year of my BA LLB.Most of my friends are settled now.

    Feeling depressed, doing some exercise and jogging in the evening still it's not working.

    Whenever I have some tough conversation or debate with anyone or When I have to face people directly...(like during my law school Viva) when teachers were asking me few questions I was very nervous and shaking.

    However I am very comfortable with my friends but again if there is some argument or something I feel very nervous and my hands and lips starts shaking.

    I am also not able to do my basic task like studies... everytime I am promising myself making a new plan ..but each and every time I am not able to make it.

    Now I am feeling very guilty,My parents have struggled a lot for my studies.still they are doing.
    I use to talk very less with my father.

    Last time he called me and said..ab tumhare hath me hi hai sb kuch hai..I don't want anything but if U ll be successful ..Mai samjhuga mera struggle Safal hua..they have lots of hope from me. Last night I cried a lot for not meeting the expectations of my parents and Me.I am trying everytime but I am not getting successful.

    I am also facing lots of queries from my relatives and people.I stopped going home now. Right now I m staying in ORN but not taking any coaching.Only joined a test series for mains and Pre.

    Chhod do upsc..
    T ↑ [0→1] = T ↓ [1→infinity]
  • Hii I am not doing good in my life. I am the last person of my school who is still not a graduate. I am in the final Year of my BA LLB.Most of my friends are settled now.

    Feeling depressed, doing some exercise and jogging in the evening still it's not working.

    Whenever I have some tough conversation or debate with anyone or When I have to face people directly...(like during my law school Viva) when teachers were asking me few questions I was very nervous and shaking.

    However I am very comfortable with my friends but again if there is some argument or something I feel very nervous and my hands and lips starts shaking.

    I am also not able to do my basic task like studies... everytime I am promising myself making a new plan ..but each and every time I am not able to make it.

    Now I am feeling very guilty,My parents have struggled a lot for my studies.still they are doing.
    I use to talk very less with my father.

    Last time he called me and said..ab tumhare hath me hi hai sb kuch hai..I don't want anything but if U ll be successful ..Mai samjhuga mera struggle Safal hua..they have lots of hope from me. Last night I cried a lot for not meeting the expectations of my parents and Me.I am trying everytime but I am not getting successful.

    I am also facing lots of queries from my relatives and people.I stopped going home now. Right now I m staying in ORN but not taking any coaching.Only joined a test series for mains and Pre.






    Forget UPSC for the time being and focus on LLB.

    Use that degree to get any job, preferably as a lawyer. Or set up your own law practice. Along with job/practice, prepare for IAS.

    Know that comparing yourself with others and worrying about lagging behind won't speed up your final year exams. You'll get that LLB degree at the designated time only. Not before that, even if you worry day in & day out. So, why worry!

    Shaking at Viva can be overcome by being better prepared for the Viva. Prepare so good that your confidence is at optimum level. Your command over subject has inverse correlation with shaking at Viva.

    It seems to me that you get anxious at the very thought of getting into confrontation, conflict of interest, heated argument, or difference of opinion with others.

    Know that confrontation is inevitable for a progressive man. We fail by default when we fail to confront. So, confront! Say what you believe in, and do what you believe in. Even if your voice shakes, even if your body shakes. It's going to take a lot of nerve. But it's worth it in the end. Gradually, the shaking will reduce over a period of few confrontations, and see the transformation in you and rejoice!

    Find out your fears. Tackle them!

    Find out why you're underconfident. Sort out!


    Accept! Accept that you got messed up. Move on! Take pride in your scars. Your watch (degree) will be over soon.

    And, regarding relatives, where there's a will, there're relatives, but so is a way. Grow thick skin!
  • @1ManArmy thanks a lot brother.though I was prepared I was shaking.I think I have to consult a psychiatrist for once.
    Initially My preparation was going good,I was getting above 100 In mocks.But again, since the last few months I am not doing well.
    Thanks for Your kind words ☺
  • freeman said:

    aise ro rahe ho jaise tumpe vipattiyon ka pahad toot gaya...abhi qtiye ho..grow up

    Thanks.Yes I am trying.
  • @1ManArmy thanks a lot brother.though I was prepared I was shaking.I think I have to consult a psychiatrist for once.
    Initially My preparation was going good,I was getting above 100 In mocks.But again, since the last few months I am not doing well.
    Thanks for Your kind words ☺

    Good luck!
  • You are in the right direction because you have identified the existence of a problem. It is the first step in reaching a solution.

    Nervousness - We all have to face this in our lives when we venture out in the unknown. The unknown differs for each one of us. For you it is the confrontation part. For me it might be something else. If confrontation or putting forward diverse view makes you nervous then you need to make an effort to do that on a daily basis. You need to prepare yourself for the argument by reading, by studying a lot and by being confident in your efforts. One solution can be to join a MEETUP group where they do Group discussion or one really good option can be to join TOASTMASTER. In Delhi they have really good Toastmaster clubs and their you can learn the very art of speaking clearly and with proper modulation. Trust me, it will be a hell lot of difficult to even go for first few sessions but once you take initiative or speak and when you will see that other people are also in the same boat, you will feel better and make an effort to improve your situation.

    Confidence is one thing which is missing in your case and it can only come if you do small small things on a daily basis. Things that make you uncomfortable should be the one which you prepare for and indulge in. Take it slow and steady.

    As far as expectations are concerned, we all have to face that pressure. It is also a part of the life. Learn to face it with a smile.

    Lastly, comparison with other people's life is a sureshot way to depression. Disable your Facebook or any other social media accounts. Your classmates have their own struggle. You have your own. There will always be someone doing better than you or in a better position than you. If you start comparing, you'll fall into a really vicious trap. Please don't do it.

    You think Ray Kroc (estb McDonald's) would have reached where he could at the age of 52 if he would have compared himself to his classmates. Not really.

    History is filled with examples of people who charted out their own unconventional paths to success, who defied the normal and who set examples for us to emulate.

    So, stop comparing, rise up to the occasion, do what you have to do to stay afloat, crawl if you cannot walk, but never ever ever give up !!!

  • I know someone who had the same problem. Was not a graduate but came here for preparation.

    Cleared CDS 3 times but was thrown out from SSB..as he wasn't a graduate. You'll go through dual mind.. Whether I should study for UPSC or college? Why I was the only one who didn't graduate? He used to travel every 6months to clear his backlog exam.
    He was very frustrated and this led to a situation where he ignored graduation, ran from his problem. But this only escalated with time. Gave prelims 2 times and Came in 3 digit score.. Wasn't able to clear it. The reason was that t back of his mind he was preoccupied with thoughts, daydreaming, wasting time.
    Na vo upsc seriously karta paya na graduation k liye padhta.. He did engg but wasn't able to clear just two subjects.
    Do naav me paav nahi rakh skte bhai.
    You are trapped in the cycle of prelims-backlog subjects. You are ignoring your backlog subjects. The person whom you at some point of time in school or college you or others considered dumbest also may have become graduate!
    Why not you? Ask yourself. Becuase you are running away from reality. But it wont change, you have to fix it.. Don't blame the destiny for this.
    Destiny is getting same marks in UPSC but another person is above in the ranking because of the policy of seniority of age! Jis exam me minimum 1/3rd number laane hai waha will power, smart work aur hard work chaiye.

    Anyways how that person got rid of this problem is I am writing below :
    1. Your graduation is first and foremost. Forget UPSC for sometime till you become a graduate because even if you clear prelims, you cannot sit for mains.
    2. Without graduation you cannot appear for any graduation level exam.
    3. Talk to your seniors, some law graduate or law coaching centre in ORN, there is nothing to ashamed of. They will surely give you an hour of a week at least.
    4. Refer past year question papers, basics, writing again and again, etc.
    5. Remember, you only have to get PASSING marks.
    6. If you clear your graduation and with hardwork reach interview of civil services.. You have better chance to get 200+ in interview than any other candidate because of your shear determination, will power and patience. They would love to hear your story because not many clear this exam in this scenario. You'll just make an example of yourself for so many people with same problem.
    7. Reality is that you have to work very hard if you want to clear prelims and graduation at the same time.. It is doable but for that you have to give your 14 hours. Plan systemically, follow a strict schedule.
    8. Just think how much your parents are supportive. Many people don't get this privilege! Their parents even don't allow to go for preparation of upsc! Tumhare parents ko kahi na kahi aasha hi ki tum apne Purane paap dhul loge khoob mehnat karke.. Tabhi aajtak ummedd nahi chordi hai.. Don't prove them wrong.
    9. You have to prove so many people wrong who must have thought you are useless and good for nothing.. They mabybe your friends, schoolmates, college mates, gf, ex gf, enemies, crush, relatives and most importnatly yourself.
    10. See, you'll get lots of comments and suggestion on this thread.. People are concerned for you.. Though they don't know you.. Still gave their time.. We all be happy if you'll see you posting on this thread again that you CLEARED it but if you don't do hardwork and unable to clear your graduation this year. Then just leave it and do some business or take tuitions. Move on.

    Your other problems like arguments, anxiety, confidence,etc are all related to you not being graduate. Clear it.. You'll se the change in you. That person whom I know had all these problem, once he cleared it.. He became totally a new personality.. His trueself..humorous, confident, sarcastic, glow on face, no fear, anxiety and what not.

    You don't just have to try.. You have to try very very hard. And if you be sincere then you will clear it. Don't ever blame your destiny.

    If you believe in astrology then possible remedy for you is to feed something to dog..everyday. Wake up early morning and watch sun rising.

    I wrote this whole big passage just because I have seen my friend struggling with same and recovering from it. I hope it helps you.
  • amsc said:

    I know someone who had the same problem. Was not a graduate but came here for preparation.

    Cleared CDS 3 times but was thrown out from SSB..as he wasn't a graduate. You'll go through dual mind.. Whether I should study for UPSC or college? Why I was the only one who didn't graduate? He used to travel every 6months to clear his backlog exam.
    He was very frustrated and this led to a situation where he ignored graduation, ran from his problem. But this only escalated with time. Gave prelims 2 times and Came in 3 digit score.. Wasn't able to clear it. The reason was that t back of his mind he was preoccupied with thoughts, daydreaming, wasting time.
    Na vo upsc seriously karta paya na graduation k liye padhta.. He did engg but wasn't able to clear just two subjects.
    Do naav me paav nahi rakh skte bhai.
    You are trapped in the cycle of prelims-backlog subjects. You are ignoring your backlog subjects. The person whom you at some point of time in school or college you or others considered dumbest also may have become graduate!
    Why not you? Ask yourself. Becuase you are running away from reality. But it wont change, you have to fix it.. Don't blame the destiny for this.
    Destiny is getting same marks in UPSC but another person is above in the ranking because of the policy of seniority of age! Jis exam me minimum 1/3rd number laane hai waha will power, smart work aur hard work chaiye.

    Anyways how that person got rid of this problem is I am writing below :
    1. Your graduation is first and foremost. Forget UPSC for sometime till you become a graduate because even if you clear prelims, you cannot sit for mains.
    2. Without graduation you cannot appear for any graduation level exam.
    3. Talk to your seniors, some law graduate or law coaching centre in ORN, there is nothing to ashamed of. They will surely give you an hour of a week at least.
    4. Refer past year question papers, basics, writing again and again, etc.
    5. Remember, you only have to get PASSING marks.
    6. If you clear your graduation and with hardwork reach interview of civil services.. You have better chance to get 200+ in interview than any other candidate because of your shear determination, will power and patience. They would love to hear your story because not many clear this exam in this scenario. You'll just make an example of yourself for so many people with same problem.
    7. Reality is that you have to work very hard if you want to clear prelims and graduation at the same time.. It is doable but for that you have to give your 14 hours. Plan systemically, follow a strict schedule.
    8. Just think how much your parents are supportive. Many people don't get this privilege! Their parents even don't allow to go for preparation of upsc! Tumhare parents ko kahi na kahi aasha hi ki tum apne Purane paap dhul loge khoob mehnat karke.. Tabhi aajtak ummedd nahi chordi hai.. Don't prove them wrong.
    9. You have to prove so many people wrong who must have thought you are useless and good for nothing.. They mabybe your friends, schoolmates, college mates, gf, ex gf, enemies, crush, relatives and most importnatly yourself.
    10. See, you'll get lots of comments and suggestion on this thread.. People are concerned for you.. Though they don't know you.. Still gave their time.. We all be happy if you'll see you posting on this thread again that you CLEARED it but if you don't do hardwork and unable to clear your graduation this year. Then just leave it and do some business or take tuitions. Move on.

    Your other problems like arguments, anxiety, confidence,etc are all related to you not being graduate. Clear it.. You'll se the change in you. That person whom I know had all these problem, once he cleared it.. He became totally a new personality.. His trueself..humorous, confident, sarcastic, glow on face, no fear, anxiety and what not.

    You don't just have to try.. You have to try very very hard. And if you be sincere then you will clear it. Don't ever blame your destiny.

    If you believe in astrology then possible remedy for you is to feed something to dog..everyday. Wake up early morning and watch sun rising.

    I wrote this whole big passage just because I have seen my friend struggling with same and recovering from it. I hope it helps you.

    Thankyou so much for your support brother!!
    I am not concerned about my Graduation now.In next 3 Month's I ll get my degree. only a viva and internship is left,Done with last semester exams and cleared it.

    But real problem is UPSC preparation ..since I already wasted three years of life after 10th and 12th. I can't afford more.just want to crack this exam as soon as possible or want to achieve something good in limited time.

    I am truly blessed to have this support and kind words from You.
    Thankyou so much ☺
  • LuV said:

    You are in the right direction because you have identified the existence of a problem. It is the first step in reaching a solution.

    Nervousness - We all have to face this in our lives when we venture out in the unknown. The unknown differs for each one of us. For you it is the confrontation part. For me it might be something else. If confrontation or putting forward diverse view makes you nervous then you need to make an effort to do that on a daily basis. You need to prepare yourself for the argument by reading, by studying a lot and by being confident in your efforts. One solution can be to join a MEETUP group where they do Group discussion or one really good option can be to join TOASTMASTER. In Delhi they have really good Toastmaster clubs and their you can learn the very art of speaking clearly and with proper modulation. Trust me, it will be a hell lot of difficult to even go for first few sessions but once you take initiative or speak and when you will see that other people are also in the same boat, you will feel better and make an effort to improve your situation.

    Confidence is one thing which is missing in your case and it can only come if you do small small things on a daily basis. Things that make you uncomfortable should be the one which you prepare for and indulge in. Take it slow and steady.

    As far as expectations are concerned, we all have to face that pressure. It is also a part of the life. Learn to face it with a smile.

    Lastly, comparison with other people's life is a sureshot way to depression. Disable your Facebook or any other social media accounts. Your classmates have their own struggle. You have your own. There will always be someone doing better than you or in a better position than you. If you start comparing, you'll fall into a really vicious trap. Please don't do it.

    You think Ray Kroc (estb McDonald's) would have reached where he could at the age of 52 if he would have compared himself to his classmates. Not really.

    History is filled with examples of people who charted out their own unconventional paths to success, who defied the normal and who set examples for us to emulate.

    So, stop comparing, rise up to the occasion, do what you have to do to stay afloat, crawl if you cannot walk, but never ever ever give up !!!

    Thankyou so much love for your support luv.

    Right now I am feeling good after reading all comments here.Yes I ll surely join any such group.thanks again for Giving your precious time☺
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