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Dealing with nosey relatives

Hi friends,
Ever since I quite my job to prepare for civils, relatives have become rather inquisitive regarding me. I have requested my parents not to tell them that I am preparing and say that I am continuing as before, but everytime they talk/meet them, they'll try to ask about me. Living outside of home has become expensive so that option isnt available. My parents arent willing to continue saying that I am still working but if they do tell them, even the days of results would become a nightmare as has been the case during my board exams as well as those of my siblings. So I do not want them to mention this. This has become a constant source of arguments among ourselves and adding to the uncertainty of the exam, it is a bane while at home.

It is always the best idea to ignore the naysayers but when they start influencing your only support system i. e. family and parents, life becomes a living hell.

What ways did u guys employ/are still employing to keep such nuisance at bay?
Feeling sad :'(

Comments

  • Best way is to talk to your parents about this, if you and your parents have mutual faith then no one can disturb this relationship.
    It takes time for parents to know about the nature of exam, once they understand, things will go smoothly. Communication to parents is necessary.
    Relatives should not matter, it is easy to say but it is the only solution, ignore them.
  • relatives k andar aag lag jaati hai ki kahin select ho gaya to bahut aage nikal jayega humse..isliye unki fati rehti hai

    beware of them...prep in secrecy..


    Many reasons to still remain happy.
  • Don't worry, with time you will develop a thick skin and learn to ignore them. This is a usual problem faced by most of the aspirant. So you are not alone.
    Only a brave man can be a good man
  • Hi friends,
    Ever since I quite my job to prepare for civils, relatives have become rather inquisitive regarding me. I have requested my parents not to tell them that I am preparing and say that I am continuing as before, but everytime they talk/meet them, they'll try to ask about me. Living outside of home has become expensive so that option isnt available. My parents arent willing to continue saying that I am still working but if they do tell them, even the days of results would become a nightmare as has been the case during my board exams as well as those of my siblings. So I do not want them to mention this. This has become a constant source of arguments among ourselves and adding to the uncertainty of the exam, it is a bane while at home.

    It is always the best idea to ignore the naysayers but when they start influencing your only support system i. e. family and parents, life becomes a living hell.

    What ways did u guys employ/are still employing to keep such nuisance at bay?
    Feeling sad :'(

    okay so i have a first hand experience of these incidents you have mentioned, and relatives are a pain in the ass to be brutally honest! Since the day I started preparing the people who were interested in my life more than ever were my relatives. For them I never existed in the first place or they dont even know what specialisation I did in graduation. they keep on taunting that shaadi karlo, job karlo, bache karlo. (mujhe toh lagta hay relatives ka murder karlo). over the years my parents made peace with me that my aim and ambition is more important than the awesome relatives and the samaaaj! So they handle the relatives at their level. When relatives come home they say I aint around or i just came back from holidays or whatever. I know some parents will be like "tumhare chakkar me hum kithna jhoot bolenge" , but its important for us to be happy, rather than pleasing some random person right?
    Things which I did which turned out okay for me where I stay in my room and have told my parents to tell my relatives that I am doing Post Graduation. If you want you can say you are working from home to your relatives. I spend most of the time in a library itself. I know moving out will be definitely expensive. SO i would not suggest you to do that.
  • edited June 10
    Problem yahi hai upsc becomes not just yours but your family's journey too.
    I feel bad not only about those 'missing years' but action that i have taken out from their lives too.

    About the relatives and parents part. It is totally true. They support you but at the same time don't support you. Unless your own parents have tried and failed in exams, they really don't get it. Even if they want to.
    Just like we get desperate and criticise ourselves, they have someone to put all the critical judgements and who said what to them, who is doing what. (3,4,5 years is a good deal of time for anyone to make progress and hence the pressure keeps mounting on you and your parents when they see everyone else, even your younger siblings, juniors moving ahead)

    Best way out is to start working. Even if it means a teaching job at school, kill your ego and start. That ways atleast you will get experience and later you can do mba.
    Or join a library and give other comepetitive exams too.And keep shifting focus, do not spend time crying over. Rbi form will be out soon, uppcs too. You can write those. Give fixed 5-6 hours to upsc and the rest to others if you want to finish upsc mains syllabus alongwith.

    Ignoring relatives and their judgements, the spill effect of reactions from parents after a certain time ie 3 years and above becomes a burden. Its not easy to ignore, learn to become head strong and focus on why you are (if you are) going to give the next attempt.
    There is really no way out, except to not waste this year if you wish to take another attempt. Make your plan and stick to it.

    Waking up to a planned day and week ahead keeps you away from distractions and makes you more confident. Also try to cultivate hobbies, otherwise you will find the same syllabus and books borinng.
    Take it slowly and steadily , study with a relaxed mindset. Worrying can not help, only and only working, studying, moving forward will help.
  • Best way is to talk to your parents about this, if you and your parents have mutual faith then no one can disturb this relationship.
    It takes time for parents to know about the nature of exam, once they understand, things will go smoothly. Communication to parents is necessary.
    Relatives should not matter, it is easy to say but it is the only solution, ignore them.

    Thanks @Bharat2017... I have talked to them a couple of times..earlier they agreed... But nowadays a bit reluctant. These relatives have been trying to get every little bit of info from my grandparents, siblings and whoever they can talk to...
  • relatives k andar aag lag jaati hai ki kahin select ho gaya to bahut aage nikal jayega humse..isliye unki fati rehti hai

    beware of them...prep in secrecy..

    Aap sahi keh raho ho... That's why i asked them not to reveal but ab mujh pe gussa krne lage hain :(
  • Don't worry, with time you will develop a thick skin and learn to ignore them. This is a usual problem faced by most of the aspirant. So you are not alone.

    Hmm... I dont care about what they say/think... Just want my parents on my side
  • Hi friends,
    Ever since I quite my job to prepare for civils, relatives have become rather inquisitive regarding me. I have requested my parents not to tell them that I am preparing and say that I am continuing as before, but everytime they talk/meet them, they'll try to ask about me. Living outside of home has become expensive so that option isnt available. My parents arent willing to continue saying that I am still working but if they do tell them, even the days of results would become a nightmare as has been the case during my board exams as well as those of my siblings. So I do not want them to mention this. This has become a constant source of arguments among ourselves and adding to the uncertainty of the exam, it is a bane while at home.

    It is always the best idea to ignore the naysayers but when they start influencing your only support system i. e. family and parents, life becomes a living hell.

    What ways did u guys employ/are still employing to keep such nuisance at bay?
    Feeling sad :'(

    okay so i have a first hand experience of these incidents you have mentioned, and relatives are a pain in the ass to be brutally honest! Since the day I started preparing the people who were interested in my life more than ever were my relatives. For them I never existed in the first place or they dont even know what specialisation I did in graduation. they keep on taunting that shaadi karlo, job karlo, bache karlo. (mujhe toh lagta hay relatives ka murder karlo). over the years my parents made peace with me that my aim and ambition is more important than the awesome relatives and the samaaaj! So they handle the relatives at their level. When relatives come home they say I aint around or i just came back from holidays or whatever. I know some parents will be like "tumhare chakkar me hum kithna jhoot bolenge" , but its important for us to be happy, rather than pleasing some random person right?
    Things which I did which turned out okay for me where I stay in my room and have told my parents to tell my relatives that I am doing Post Graduation. If you want you can say you are working from home to your relatives. I spend most of the time in a library itself. I know moving out will be definitely expensive. SO i would not suggest you to do that.
    Thank you so much @crystalheart... I was feeling depressed and teary-eyed after today's incident... Your comment gave me hope in the darkest of times... Really appreciate it... God bless you :)
  • relatives k andar aag lag jaati hai ki kahin select ho gaya to bahut aage nikal jayega humse..isliye unki fati rehti hai

    beware of them...prep in secrecy..

    Aap sahi keh raho ho... That's why i asked them not to reveal but ab mujh pe gussa krne lage hain :(
    parents to gussa karenge hi..failure kise psand hai

    tumhara bhi optional philo hai kya


    Many reasons to still remain happy.
  • @philo_bird : most welcome :) , will be around and happy to help. relatives zyaada nautanki kiye toh dost ke ghar jaa raha hu karke come over to my place :) :)
  • relatives help karne to: nahi aate..par ungli karne zarur aa jate hain :trollface:


    Many reasons to still remain happy.
  • ruush said:

    Problem yahi hai upsc becomes not just yours but your family's journey too.
    I feel bad not only about those 'missing years' but action that i have taken out from their lives too.

    About the relatives and parents part. It is totally true. They support you but at the same time don't support you. Unless your own parents have tried and failed in exams, they really don't get it. Even if they want to.
    Just like we get desperate and criticise ourselves, they have someone to put all the critical judgements and who said what to them, who is doing what. (3,4,5 years is a good deal of time for anyone to make progress and hence the pressure keeps mounting on you and your parents when they see everyone else, even your younger siblings, juniors moving ahead)

    Best way out is to start working. Even if it means a teaching job at school, kill your ego and start. That ways atleast you will get experience and later you can do mba.
    Or join a library and give other comepetitive exams too.And keep shifting focus, do not spend time crying over. Rbi form will be out soon, uppcs too. You can write those. Give fixed 5-6 hours to upsc and the rest to others if you want to finish upsc mains syllabus alongwith.

    Ignoring relatives and their judgements, the spill effect of reactions from parents after a certain time ie 3 years and above becomes a burden. Its not easy to ignore, learn to become head strong and focus on why you are (if you are) going to give the next attempt.
    There is really no way out, except to not waste this year if you wish to take another attempt. Make your plan and stick to it.

    Waking up to a planned day and week ahead keeps you away from distractions and makes you more confident. Also try to cultivate hobbies, otherwise you will find the same syllabus and books borinng.
    Take it slowly and steadily , study with a relaxed mindset. Worrying can not help, only and only working, studying, moving forward will help.

    Agreed... It takes up a big chunk of our lives which are inextricably linked to that of our family members.
    Thank you so much @ruush for taking time out to comment...your suggestions are pretty good. Although I've been procrastinating in terms of hobbies too, but will try to follow a couple of these...God bless you... Means a lot to me at this time... :)
  • relatives k andar aag lag jaati hai ki kahin select ho gaya to bahut aage nikal jayega humse..isliye unki fati rehti hai

    beware of them...prep in secrecy..

    Aap sahi keh raho ho... That's why i asked them not to reveal but ab mujh pe gussa krne lage hain :(
    parents to gussa karenge hi..failure kise psand hai

    tumhara bhi optional philo hai kya
    Ha.. Philo hai
  • @philo_bird : most welcome :) , will be around and happy to help. relatives zyaada nautanki kiye toh dost ke ghar jaa raha hu karke come over to my place :) :)

    Haha... Sure .. It'll be my pleasure :) :)
  • Best way is to talk to your parents about this, if you and your parents have mutual faith then no one can disturb this relationship.
    It takes time for parents to know about the nature of exam, once they understand, things will go smoothly. Communication to parents is necessary.
    Relatives should not matter, it is easy to say but it is the only solution, ignore them.

    Thanks @Bharat2017... I have talked to them a couple of times..earlier they agreed... But nowadays a bit reluctant. These relatives have been trying to get every little bit of info from my grandparents, siblings and whoever they can talk to...
    In life, you matter, your parents matter, your true friends matter, any person who sincerely wish your good matters. No one else matter. When our aim is high then we must not entangle ourselves in these little problems. These problems may seem big today but tomorrow, when you will look at them retrospectively, these are not problems at all.
    What relatives doing are there Karma, how you will react is your Karma, the good thing is you have absolute control over your Karma, don't let any negative energy disturb your noble pursuit. The more you will give attention to such things , more they become problematic. Have faith in your parents, absolute faith, faith is very powerful. It will solve your problems.
  • edited June 10
    This special theory of relativity is general phenomenon irrespective of space and time in aspirants community. :p

    Imo its too childish to give importance to such oppertunistic people. Sorround yourself with people that help you push your limits beyond measure.atb :smile:
  • edited June 10
    Thoda Sanyaasi bhaav le aao apne bheetar.

    Kahin koi takleef nahi hogi

    @philo_bird
  • Hi friends,
    Ever since I quite my job to prepare for civils, relatives have become rather inquisitive regarding me. I have requested my parents not to tell them that I am preparing and say that I am continuing as before, but everytime they talk/meet them, they'll try to ask about me. Living outside of home has become expensive so that option isnt available. My parents arent willing to continue saying that I am still working but if they do tell them, even the days of results would become a nightmare as has been the case during my board exams as well as those of my siblings. So I do not want them to mention this. This has become a constant source of arguments among ourselves and adding to the uncertainty of the exam, it is a bane while at home.

    It is always the best idea to ignore the naysayers but when they start influencing your only support system i. e. family and parents, life becomes a living hell.

    What ways did u guys employ/are still employing to keep such nuisance at bay?
    Feeling sad :'(

    do you have siblings or cousins/close friends? try spending time with them. no use arguing with parents at this stage. and yes, sometimes society starts influencing our only support system. but you don't have to be dejected. build a new support system
    An act of stealth, a silent coup d'etat
  • These are the most common things that occurs.Just relax. As relatives rings only when result declared and most of them do not care about you.For this don't spoil your relation with your family.Some of the suggestion to ignore it-:
    1. Donot take relatives seriously.
    2. Tell them preparing for any government job like bank,ssc.
    3. Try to avoid family functions.

    And this is just beginning, there r many relatives who tries to influence your decision suggestion for higher education and lastly fat salary jobs in private sector.Just stay firm on your decision.
  • edited June 10

    Hi friends,
    Ever since I quite my job to prepare for civils, relatives have become rather inquisitive regarding me. I have requested my parents not to tell them that I am preparing and say that I am continuing as before, but everytime they talk/meet them, they'll try to ask about me. Living outside of home has become expensive so that option isnt available. My parents arent willing to continue saying that I am still working but if they do tell them, even the days of results would become a nightmare as has been the case during my board exams as well as those of my siblings. So I do not want them to mention this. This has become a constant source of arguments among ourselves and adding to the uncertainty of the exam, it is a bane while at home.

    It is always the best idea to ignore the naysayers but when they start influencing your only support system i. e. family and parents, life becomes a living hell.

    What ways did u guys employ/are still employing to keep such nuisance at bay?
    Feeling sad :'(

    okay so i have a first hand experience of these incidents you have mentioned, and relatives are a pain in the ass to be brutally honest! Since the day I started preparing the people who were interested in my life more than ever were my relatives. For them I never existed in the first place or they dont even know what specialisation I did in graduation. they keep on taunting that shaadi karlo, job karlo, bache karlo. (mujhe toh lagta hay relatives ka murder karlo). over the years my parents made peace with me that my aim and ambition is more important than the awesome relatives and the samaaaj! So they handle the relatives at their level. When relatives come home they say I aint around or i just came back from holidays or whatever. I know some parents will be like "tumhare chakkar me hum kithna jhoot bolenge" , but its important for us to be happy, rather than pleasing some random person right?
    Things which I did which turned out okay for me where I stay in my room and have told my parents to tell my relatives that I am doing Post Graduation. If you want you can say you are working from home to your relatives. I spend most of the time in a library itself. I know moving out will be definitely expensive. SO i would not suggest you to do that.
    what i do for this is muh pe keh do , ki state psc ki tyaari me lga hu and ni ho rha , baat khatam , but your parents need to understand you for this . koi tang krta hai relative to i say ki aapka beta kya kr rha hai or something similar ( rude at times , jb tang kr dete hai yeh relatives) , they dont dare to interfare again :trollface: , we as family dont need such people in our life jo jalte rhe and jinhe issi baat ki aag lgi rhe , so my parents are cool with this too
    once again HUSTLE

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    Expecto patronum
  • Relatives ke liye to yahi kehna sahi rhega ki jiski gaadi atki uska naam tuchiya..jis din aap ban gye to sab credit lene pahunch jaenge
  • Relatives k pas koi aur kaam hota nahi h. They are more concerned about others and particularly for people who are preparing for upsc. I have faced this myself. They kept suggesting me to prepare for Pg and when I declined, new ones were to get married or get a job. Please develop a thick skin and start ignoring them completely.
  • make them ..... Shurpanakha :trollface:

  • r u really nxt !!! :trollface:
  • DuHast said:


    r u really nxt !!! :trollface:
    Han, avi chal rha he :trollface:
    Expecto patronum
  • DuHast said:


    r u really nxt !!! :trollface:
    Han, avi chal rha he :trollface:
    haha... tumhare muh me ghi shakkar... sab sach jaen :trollface:
  • Buy an AK 47
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