"For Nita, living alone in a Delhi PG meant life on her own terms, earning her way. She started dating, had sex. “It was, strangely, a way to get back at the closeted patriarchy I had been forced to deal with as a girl,” she said.
...Nita finally agreed to marry. And since she could not tell anyone that she was sexually active, she decided to have a hymen reconstruction surgery."
These are excerpts from an article in yesterday's The Hindu. And I must admit despite being aware of such instances and ways already, it disturbed be a lot and refuses to go off my mind ever since. The concern that disturbes me is this that why independence and freedom needs to flow out of your vagina. Is this the only narrow lane that has obstructed a woman's freedom? is her hymen constricting her from standing on her own foot in this world? That unless she breaks free of it she won't discover her potential as an adult?
First how is having sex an achievement for a woman, and a way to get back at patriarchy? I don't think it needs to be said but any woman - if she desires to have sex - can get it without a fuss. And if you can achieve something so easily - if your achievement is a given - that it ain't an achievement in the first place. In terms of a psychological relief of plainly revolting, I wish you get a real appreciation of what revolution means - and its instrumentality in improving people's life. Revolting through sex and then hiding your revolt is at best symbolic of your inability, your weakness to confront the real disabilities, constrictions, and discriminations. I don't understand how having a secret of past sexual proumscuity would help in convincing your parents and extended family to grant you property rights at the same level as your male siblings, or at a more immediate level to help your mother get that from your maternal grandfather. How will it help a woman get the same nutritional fulfillment as the men in family?
Or if the sub-altern world is not your concern I hope you are mindful of Tarun Tejpals and Haryey Weinsteins of the dreamland of liberalism - the calling that first made your scoff at the constrictions of the old world. Howsoever discomfirting the comparison might be, the 'sexual' in liberalism seems akin to a woman agreeing to sex to avoid rape. But after deacdes of sexual revolution of the west, sexual subjugation has not gone even in that land in its most patent forms. Sexual revolution just co-opted women for men's pleasure. I don't understand how can it reduce patriarchy or how will you sex your way up against discrimination?
I understand the value of individualism. That I should mind my own business. Anyone's preferences and choices in their very own life should not bother me. But after separting my world from a world I don't agree with, I see sexual revolution coming back at me through hymen reconstruction. Why can't you stay in your own world that you cherished so much. I have nurtured a world of my own. And this thought extends to convince me why should I be mindful of where the society is headed, to extend my concerns beyond being just aware of my own preferences, and to poke my nose into the choices that you are making in your life.
Comments
Hymen reconstruction is women's way getting equality, respect and love by her husband, though it is actually cheating and she should really find someone who is okay with her past sex life. But instead she choose to fool not only her parents but in laws and most importantly her husband.
What if the husband was virgin and one of the condition of the marriage was original intact hymen? Can he divorce her on the 2nd day of marriage because of breach of trust? Does law approve this?
Indian law considers men as adulterous but women as not!
What If his husband is unable to fulfil her demand of amount of sex she used to have in her bachelor's days. Will she go 'and have sex outside the marriage like deepika padukone preached?' And become a nymphomaniac?
Though our society is becoming more acceptable to the different sexual orientations, sexual behavior whether it is for men or women but essentially it is degradation of human civilization.
the real women issues are highjacked by such plastic people...
Hymen reconstruction = Cheating of whole new level.
Newspaper me bhale hi kitna bhi apni kaam ki cheeze padhna chaho... U always cross the mcmohan line... I needn't tow the upsc line !!
Why do you think a woman needs to hide her prior affairs and go for such surgery? Become a woman or deeply connect with a victim of domestic abuse resulting from information about past relationships. Grow up.
Someone hiding her virginity history is not cheating. Neither it is a disease nor shows lack of some value and morality. Being a woman in half baked progressive India is difficult. Let her do anything she wants to do with her vagina. Sorry if it hurts anyone's male ego.
My larger question is still why does liberalism need to be so sex centered? Someone said women are more than tehir vagina. If it is so then why does their liberaion need to flow out of their vagina?
"I don't understand how having a secret of past sexual proumscuity would help in convincing your parents and extended family to grant you property rights at the same level as your male siblings, or at a more immediate level to help your mother get that from your maternal grandfather. How will it help a woman get the same nutritional fulfillment as the men in family?"
I hope,definition of enjoying freedom and individualism of most of our generation forward girls and guys,will evolve soon going beyond these narrow lanes of V,P and yes use of C to b modern days safe players.