Its been 4 years I am staying in ORN.2017 and 2018 attempt i could not study at all.Many things were bothering me like continuosly shifting room for almost every 5-6 months, non serious and unknown flatmates with whom i dnt hv bonding at emotional level,irritating maids,greedy landlords and brokers etc finally last year i literally left ORN to never to come here again.I tried exploring option of banglore but i didnt find it good enough and since i went alone there without any group i could not adjust with south indian culture and food. and m back to ORN this time with full positive attitude that I will study come what may and I will be ruthless with myself.I tried searching independent room but finally search of 15 days ended in room in flat the way i used to stay in ORN in past years.When i decided to come to ORN for one last time i was very positive about studies and preparation but as soon as i enter in this atmosphere a very negative spiral of emotions starts running. Its almost week i am trying to focus but this negativity is eating me out and i am feeling like to run away.I feel very much insecure and alone here.I feel like either to go to stay with ppl who really cares for me or just stay away from unknown ppl on roads of ORN. But no other option where i can stay.Family no more supporting my dream to prepare so positive support from parents if i stay with them is very less likely.Husband is supporting but his job is in remote location and above that its not of stable posting and he keeps on moving for work projects for every 2-3 months.So how much feasible staying with him and studying i dont know.This exam demands average intellegence and above average mental toughness.I am not able to be mentally tough enough to study.If i will study ruthlessly n then wont get result i may move on from upsc but I am not able to study at all at first place and this thing not allowing me to move on also.What shall i do? Leaving ORN and studying in isolation at remote place or to stay here only and trying to b mentally tough? Fear is i should not waste attempt and energy in deciding on where to study?