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CSM Essay 2014: With Greater Power Comes Greater Responsibility

AksAks
edited December 2014 in Essay
All those who attempted this essay, kindly post the structure and main points of your essay.

Major themes of my essay were:-
1) Introduction with how Robert J. Oppenheimer (Chief Scientist of Manhattan Project) quoted the Bhagwad Gita, after the first atomic test was successfully conducted by the United States. His remark on the future of humanity, how it would never be the same once a power of such magnitude takes birth. [ Note:- I got this idea from watching a short youtube clip just a week back while I was killing time on the internet in the guise of preparation. Posting it here for reference:- ]

Theme of the introduction focused on how the dynamics of the world changed after the nuclear tests. Whether power was accompanied with equivalent responsibility or not.

2) Body focused on:-
the evolution of power-responsibility matrix right from the start of civilization- Matsyaya Nyaya / Law of the Jungle and the Survival of the Fittest doctrine to the present day structure of modern governance. How the concept of power and responsibility has changed in the course of human history.

What power means for an individual ,for a society and for a nation. How the ensuing responsibility accompanies power. Gave few examples with respect to each category

As I went further, I explained different kinds of power and how Knowledge itself is the biggest form of power and how it brings along the burden of responsibility in terms of sharing that knowledge

Towards the end of body, I focused on the concept of Responsible power, how power remains relevant only when it gets rightfully transferred to responsible people. Few other points which I do not remember

3) In the conclusion, I began with a quote- its not power that corrupts men, its men who corrupt power. Explained this quote a little bit. Then towards the end, I discussed the purpose of responsible power by quoting and explaining the Bhagwad Gita once again. [Note:- I have started and ended my essay by quoting the Gita as I feel that entire book is based on this very premise of power and responsibility]

People with whom I discussed my essay have told me that first of all, I shouldn't have picked up an abstract/philosophical topic. Secondly, my essay does not look "secular" in tone.

PS:- My previous two endeavors with UPSC have been halted because of my essay marks. I got 65 in 2012 when I attempted the PPP essay. What is ironical is that I had managed to get 125 in Paper 2 of PubAd, of which PPP is a core topic. Then in 2013, I got 70. I always wrote in a simple language, putting no quotes and never digressed from the topics. So this time I took the risk of picking up a philosophical topic and wrote my essay in a philosophical language as well because seriously, what have I got to lose! I have to admit that after managing to get only 28% marks in my essay attempted on Colonial Mentality, this essay was written with a slight sense of contempt towards UPSC. Not seeing your name in the final list solely because of essay marks makes one care lesser and lesser.

Please share your feedback and the points which you included. Secondly, does UPSC ever give high marks in a philosophical essay? If you know of any examples then please let me know in order to help me sleep better in this period of wait! Thanks!
“Whatever it is you're seeking won't come in the form you're expecting.”
·
«13456

Comments

  • My points were based on the following examples and logic

    1.Nero playing music while Rome was burning
    2.Hitler's immense power and ultimate downfall
    3.Gandhi n Nehru 's balancing act between power n responsibility
    4.Science's tools like atom bomb,cloning,surrogacy etc ...can be utilised for good or for bad
    5.constitutions concept of FR and DPSP and duties.FR is to curb arbitrary power,DPSP is states moral responsibilities,FD is for individual citizens responsibility
    6.Asoka's conversion from Chandashoka to Dharmashoka
    7.knowledge and wisdom as the key to understand their linkage
    8.indira Gandhi's emergency act
    9.Modi's mandate and need for responsible behaviour
    10.USA's emergence as the ultimate super power,shameful Abu Ghalib , Guantanamo Bay,Iraq attacks etc
    10.power n responsibility are two sides of the same coin.


    ·
  • My heart bleeds when I see this essay again... I absolutely screwed it... I was searching for a conclusion at the end to escape from the essay... Went very bad
    IFS - 2014 AIR 38 Geology n Agriculture ; Interview : 207/300
    CSE - 2014 AIR 1088 - Geography; Interview : 209/275
    ·
  • My points were based on the following examples and logic

    1.Nero playing music while Rome was burning
    2.Hitler's immense power and ultimate downfall
    3.Gandhi n Nehru 's balancing act between power n responsibility
    4.Science's tools like atom bomb,cloning,surrogacy etc ...can be utilised for good or for bad
    5.constitutions concept of FR and DPSP and duties.FR is to curb arbitrary power,DPSP is states moral responsibilities,FD is for individual citizens responsibility
    6.Asoka's conversion from Chandashoka to Dharmashoka
    7.knowledge and wisdom as the key to understand their linkage
    8.indira Gandhi's emergency act
    9.Modi's mandate and need for responsible behaviour
    10.USA's emergence as the ultimate super power,shameful Abu Ghalib , Guantanamo Bay,Iraq attacks etc
    10.power n responsibility are two sides of the same coin.


    No doubt, examples are excellent but what about different perspectives, evolution, future, ideal circumstance?
    ·
  • @Aks I think you've done quite well!

    Even I wrote about power at individual, societal and national level. I first explained what is power and tried to focus on where power is derived from and towards whom the responsibility is directed. For example - this is clear for "democratic power" - that it comes from the people and it is responsible towards them. But in reality, people derive power from various sources - social standing (caste, race etc.), personality (strength, charisma etc.), ideology/religion, money - and then it becomes difficult to pin responsibility.

    I quoted Lord Acton and Lincoln/UPSC (last year's GS IV question - if you want to test the character of a person, give him power :P)

    At societal and national level, I wrote that there is a responsibility to intervene if there is violation of right - but how countries like the US are misusing this etc.

    I don't really remember how I ended. But your point of knowledge as power is a good one - I should've thought of it too..
    Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of ïrony
    ·
  • All those who attempted this essay, kindly post the structure and main points of your essay.

    Major themes of my essay were:-
    1) Introduction with how Robert J. Oppenheimer (Chief Scientist of Manhattan Project) quoted the Bhagwad Gita, after the first atomic test was successfully conducted by the United States. His remark on the future of humanity, how it would never be the same once a power of such magnitude takes birth. [ Note:- I got this idea from watching a short youtube clip just a week back while I was killing time on the internet in the guise of preparation. Posting it here for reference:- ]

    Theme of the introduction focused on how the dynamics of the world changed after the nuclear tests. Whether power was accompanied with equivalent responsibility or not.

    2) Body focused on:-
    the evolution of power-responsibility matrix right from the start of civilization- Matsyaya Nyaya / Law of the Jungle and the Survival of the Fittest doctrine to the present day structure of modern governance. How the concept of power and responsibility has changed in the course of human history.

    What power means for an individual ,for a society and for a nation. How the ensuing responsibility accompanies power. Gave few examples with respect to each category

    As I went further, I explained different kinds of power and how Knowledge itself is the biggest form of power and how it brings along the burden of responsibility in terms of sharing that knowledge

    Towards the end of body, I focused on the concept of Responsible power, how power remains relevant only when it gets rightfully transferred to responsible people. Few other points which I do not remember

    3) In the conclusion, I began with a quote- its not power that corrupts men, its men who corrupt power. Explained this quote a little bit. Then towards the end, I discussed the purpose of responsible power by quoting and explaining the Bhagwad Gita once again. [Note:- I have started and ended my essay by quoting the Gita as I feel that entire book is based on this very premise of power and responsibility]

    People with whom I discussed my essay have told me that first of all, I shouldn't have picked up an abstract/philosophical topic. Secondly, my essay does not look "secular" in tone.

    PS:- My previous two endeavors with UPSC have been halted because of my essay marks. I got 65 in 2012 when I attempted the PPP essay. What is ironical is that I had managed to get 125 in Paper 2 of PubAd, of which PPP is a core topic. Then in 2013, I got 70. I always wrote in a simple language, putting no quotes and never digressed from the topics. So this time I took the risk of picking up a philosophical topic and wrote my essay in a philosophical language as well because seriously, what have I got to lose! I have to admit that after managing to get only 28% marks in my essay attempted on Colonial Mentality, this essay was written with a slight sense of contempt towards UPSC. Not seeing your name in the final list solely because of essay marks makes one care lesser and lesser.

    Please share your feedback and the points which you included. Secondly, does UPSC ever give high marks in a philosophical essay? If you know of any examples then please let me know in order to help me sleep better in this period of wait! Thanks!
    I too started with exactly the same point.. In fact started with Oppenheimer quote from geeta
    "I am become death, the destroyer of the world"

    ·
  • All those who attempted this essay, kindly post the structure and main points of your essay.

    Major themes of my essay were:-
    1) Introduction with how Robert J. Oppenheimer (Chief Scientist of Manhattan Project) quoted the Bhagwad Gita, after the first atomic test was successfully conducted by the United States. His remark on the future of humanity, how it would never be the same once a power of such magnitude takes birth. [ Note:- I got this idea from watching a short youtube clip just a week back while I was killing time on the internet in the guise of preparation. Posting it here for reference:- ]

    Theme of the introduction focused on how the dynamics of the world changed after the nuclear tests. Whether power was accompanied with equivalent responsibility or not.

    2) Body focused on:-
    the evolution of power-responsibility matrix right from the start of civilization- Matsyaya Nyaya / Law of the Jungle and the Survival of the Fittest doctrine to the present day structure of modern governance. How the concept of power and responsibility has changed in the course of human history.

    What power means for an individual ,for a society and for a nation. How the ensuing responsibility accompanies power. Gave few examples with respect to each category

    As I went further, I explained different kinds of power and how Knowledge itself is the biggest form of power and how it brings along the burden of responsibility in terms of sharing that knowledge

    Towards the end of body, I focused on the concept of Responsible power, how power remains relevant only when it gets rightfully transferred to responsible people. Few other points which I do not remember

    3) In the conclusion, I began with a quote- its not power that corrupts men, its men who corrupt power. Explained this quote a little bit. Then towards the end, I discussed the purpose of responsible power by quoting and explaining the Bhagwad Gita once again. [Note:- I have started and ended my essay by quoting the Gita as I feel that entire book is based on this very premise of power and responsibility]

    People with whom I discussed my essay have told me that first of all, I shouldn't have picked up an abstract/philosophical topic. Secondly, my essay does not look "secular" in tone.

    PS:- My previous two endeavors with UPSC have been halted because of my essay marks. I got 65 in 2012 when I attempted the PPP essay. What is ironical is that I had managed to get 125 in Paper 2 of PubAd, of which PPP is a core topic. Then in 2013, I got 70. I always wrote in a simple language, putting no quotes and never digressed from the topics. So this time I took the risk of picking up a philosophical topic and wrote my essay in a philosophical language as well because seriously, what have I got to lose! I have to admit that after managing to get only 28% marks in my essay attempted on Colonial Mentality, this essay was written with a slight sense of contempt towards UPSC. Not seeing your name in the final list solely because of essay marks makes one care lesser and lesser.

    Please share your feedback and the points which you included. Secondly, does UPSC ever give high marks in a philosophical essay? If you know of any examples then please let me know in order to help me sleep better in this period of wait! Thanks!
    Great points mate phoda he tumne
    mine was more philosophical and analytical
    ehh what's up doc!!!!
    ·
  • All those who attempted this essay, kindly post the structure and main points of your essay.

    Major themes of my essay were:-
    1) Introduction with how Robert J. Oppenheimer (Chief Scientist of Manhattan Project) quoted the Bhagwad Gita, after the first atomic test was successfully conducted by the United States. His remark on the future of humanity, how it would never be the same once a power of such magnitude takes birth. [ Note:- I got this idea from watching a short youtube clip just a week back while I was killing time on the internet in the guise of preparation. Posting it here for reference:- ]

    Theme of the introduction focused on how the dynamics of the world changed after the nuclear tests. Whether power was accompanied with equivalent responsibility or not.

    2) Body focused on:-
    the evolution of power-responsibility matrix right from the start of civilization- Matsyaya Nyaya / Law of the Jungle and the Survival of the Fittest doctrine to the present day structure of modern governance. How the concept of power and responsibility has changed in the course of human history.

    What power means for an individual ,for a society and for a nation. How the ensuing responsibility accompanies power. Gave few examples with respect to each category

    As I went further, I explained different kinds of power and how Knowledge itself is the biggest form of power and how it brings along the burden of responsibility in terms of sharing that knowledge

    Towards the end of body, I focused on the concept of Responsible power, how power remains relevant only when it gets rightfully transferred to responsible people. Few other points which I do not remember

    3) In the conclusion, I began with a quote- its not power that corrupts men, its men who corrupt power. Explained this quote a little bit. Then towards the end, I discussed the purpose of responsible power by quoting and explaining the Bhagwad Gita once again. [Note:- I have started and ended my essay by quoting the Gita as I feel that entire book is based on this very premise of power and responsibility]

    People with whom I discussed my essay have told me that first of all, I shouldn't have picked up an abstract/philosophical topic. Secondly, my essay does not look "secular" in tone.

    PS:- My previous two endeavors with UPSC have been halted because of my essay marks. I got 65 in 2012 when I attempted the PPP essay. What is ironical is that I had managed to get 125 in Paper 2 of PubAd, of which PPP is a core topic. Then in 2013, I got 70. I always wrote in a simple language, putting no quotes and never digressed from the topics. So this time I took the risk of picking up a philosophical topic and wrote my essay in a philosophical language as well because seriously, what have I got to lose! I have to admit that after managing to get only 28% marks in my essay attempted on Colonial Mentality, this essay was written with a slight sense of contempt towards UPSC. Not seeing your name in the final list solely because of essay marks makes one care lesser and lesser.

    Please share your feedback and the points which you included. Secondly, does UPSC ever give high marks in a philosophical essay? If you know of any examples then please let me know in order to help me sleep better in this period of wait! Thanks!


    I too started with exactly the same point.. In fact started with Oppenheimer quote from geeta
    "I am become death, the destroyer of the world"

    Overall my essay was also on same lines
    Introduction
    Started with Oppenheimer quote from greta
    "I am become death, the destroyer of the world"
    Shifted to the debate in geeta between krishna and Arjuna on the war... Had read about it in argumentative Indian..
    Talked about raj dharma in artha shastra and also about Akbars concept of kingship.. Finally about constitution abt FR and FD go together, same power responsibility go together

    2. Body focussed on power means at individual level. Talked about parents, teacher, doctor, etc..
    at societal level including political also quoted Gandhi, administrative about bureaucrats also quoted artha shastra honey example, economic level about corporates
    At state level about illegal surveillance, Afspa, etc
    At international level about hegemony etc
    At south Asia level about India can play greater role, about gurjal doctrine

    3. talked about greater power now over environment and how it also comes with its on responsibility
    Again ended with mother nature and geeta..
    ·
  • meine ,,,,youth compettion wala essay,,,bcos mujhe bhi PPP mein low marks the...isliye pub adm ke related avoid kiya...mine points in essay..
    1.intro-directly brought topic in focuss with India centric and globalization situation
    2. why thr is compettition
    3.for what competition gng on
    4.at which level
    5.efects of this competetitive behaviour,positive negatives
    6.govt intitiatives to channelies energy
    7.optimistic ending
    ·
  • Wrote on with great power comes great responsibility.
    In my each attempt, despite following rules and writing sincerely, essay has screwed me up, got in low 70s last time and missed the final cutoff by 2 marks. so this time i couldnt control myself after seeing the topic -

    I started my essay with fictional super heroes and spider man. Didnt actually use Peter Parker or Uncle Ben (the dialogue from the movie), but wrote atleast half a page about spiderman and batman. Later on wrote regular sensible things, but couldnt control myself at the start..
    ·
  • I have written in following outlines:
    (1) Introduction: Everyday is aspiring for power, has lust for power, greed for power. Is power on sale....if yes, is it coming with heavy discounts? No, my dear friend, power is not on sale and it indeed comes with heavy responsibilities. Yes, Power comes with great responsibilities.
    (2) Operating levels of power and aassociated responsibilities:
    2.1 A muscle man having muscular power has to protect the weak, has to stop the harassment of women
    2.2 A guardian of family to take care of his family
    2.3 A head of the societal group to thrive for welfare of society
    2.4 A district magistrate owning greart power to protect and promote welfare of whole district
    2.5 A PM to seek welfare of the country

    (3)
    3.1 In ancient times, King had to seek YOGAKSHEMA of his subjects as per Kautilya
    3.2 In modern times, democratic govts to protect and promote welfare of the citizens
    3.3 International govts like UN, IMF have also implied responsibilities to thrive for welfare of international world.

    (4)
    4.1 forward sections of society to make way for weaker sections
    4.2 Richer sections to advance the cause of the poor
    4.3 Even men,being treated to be powerful Vis-a-Vis women has to take along women in development of the society.

    Conclusion: Cannot remember exactly but a sketchy outline was-
    Whenever Power has been used responsibly society has advanced and when power has not been used responsibly society has corroded. Likes of Rama and Ravana are abundant in History.


    P.S. Have tried to put a very simple language and without going haywire from the topic.

    Please evaluate the essay.Whether I can get 50 marks?
    ·
  • 1.Power (9-1k)
    .Intro -
    All men brothers,sulikul ; epitomized power responsibility duality blah blah..
    .Power -
    Rousseau contract,revolutions,elections,people power blah..
    .Responsibility-
    Enigma;white man burden vs RM Roy et al ;elections again blah blah
    .Rendezvous -
    Combined above two; New centres ,software giants,forbes list, sensitive digital footprints,fb internet blah..
    .Climax-
    Climate change, 2C rhetoric,irreversible Unep ipcc , 7 bn power , Reponsibilty to save planet, opportunity for watershed blah ..
    Fin.
    ·
  • @all, @Aks

    guys, such discussion helps in knowing where we may have gone wrong or how others can interpret it.....and this is a nice initiative

    first, I have a question:

    what was the twist in the word "greater" power and responsibility. UPSC must be having something in mind when it was digressing from the normal quotation of "great" power and responsibility......

    plz review my essay as well

    Intro: India is at cusp of multiple power shifts at international, national and indiviudal level and there is a need to rethink how new actors should exercise it

    a. defined power and responibility and why latter is needed
    b. historical dimensions: ashoka born in age of violence preached peace, akbar mixed all religions and did not impose anything on anyone and Gandhi's non violence demadns much more responsibility - lesson is that we Indians know how to exercise power responsibily

    c. international: nuclear doctrine,climate change (recent food issue, India's responisible power was recognized), WTo etc - we are gaining power but also exercising responsibly and this should be further enhanced

    d. national - multiple power shifts - state to market, state to civil society, vertical to horiontal accountabilty, secrecy to transpaency etc - new players who are getting power should acknowldge it --- example, civil society should listen more and state should explain more

    e. as civilservants - we should understand new shifts and prepare well

    overall vasudev kutumbkam can be realized if we understand our place in all three levels and exercise it responsibly....

    ·
  • My attempt on this.

    How definition of power has changed from traditional era to modern democratic era.

    Sources of power viz. Hereditary/monarchy and presently democratically.

    Explained why French revolution took even though kings had power.
    Philosophy of vasudhaiv kutumbkam.
    Explained why european power, monarchial power ETC failed as they did not have resposinbility or ignored responsibility.
    So starts explaininh what responsibility power should discharge.
    - egalitarianism
    - regional peace
    - co operation (especially for federal states)
    - avoiding war crimes
    I don't remember much this what u wrote
    CSE Mains 2014 Geography
    ·
  • Wrote on with great power comes great responsibility.
    In my each attempt, despite following rules and writing sincerely, essay has screwed me up, got in low 70s last time and missed the final cutoff by 2 marks. so this time i couldnt control myself after seeing the topic -

    I started my essay with fictional super heroes and spider man. Didnt actually use Peter Parker or Uncle Ben (the dialogue from the movie), but wrote atleast half a page about spiderman and batman. Later on wrote regular sensible things, but couldnt control myself at the start..
    I wrote about peter parker and his uncle in my conclusion.. I tried to control my sentiments but some how it suddenly emerged in my mind and I wrote this..

    Defining year of life has already begun, as I move toward final date with destiny. Final attempt with UPSC Civils in 2017* (6* Attempts, 3* Mains, 0* PI).
    ·
  • Wrote on with great power comes great responsibility.
    In my each attempt, despite following rules and writing sincerely, essay has screwed me up, got in low 70s last time and missed the final cutoff by 2 marks. so this time i couldnt control myself after seeing the topic -

    I started my essay with fictional super heroes and spider man. Didnt actually use Peter Parker or Uncle Ben (the dialogue from the movie), but wrote atleast half a page about spiderman and batman. Later on wrote regular sensible things, but couldnt control myself at the start..

    I wrote about peter parker and his uncle in my conclusion.. I tried to control my sentiments but some how it suddenly emerged in my mind and I wrote this..

    N I wrote in introduction..... Hehe
    IFS - 2014 AIR 38 Geology n Agriculture ; Interview : 207/300
    CSE - 2014 AIR 1088 - Geography; Interview : 209/275
    ·
  • Ab to lag raha hai Essay mein bhi number nahi aane waale mere :-(
    One man can change the world with a bullet in the right place.
    ·
  • I related the topic to the three pillars of constitution - LEJ mainly and also talked about individuals from various fields such as science medicine sports etc and also various global institutions..also talked about developing vs developed countries..
    Please tell if it is OK
    ·
  • Essay, especially philosophical topics need more analysis in different dimensions. Use the crux message of this quote in different dimensions like history, international relations, science, politics, economics and rxplain its implications.
    A man is never too weak or too wounded to fight if the cause is greater than his own life.
    We do not choose love. It claims each man as it will.
    -Spartacus
    ·
  • I related the topic to the three pillars of constitution - LEJ mainly and also talked about individuals from various fields such as science medicine sports etc and also various global institutions..also talked about developing vs developed countries..
    Please tell if it is OK
    Friends how much marks would you give for above points..Please tell
    ·
  • Others I don't remember but I started with linking it to spiderman. Ya I actually wrote story of spiderman B-) :D
    The farther I go, tougher it gets
    The tougher it gets, determined I become
    ·
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