Gave an interview today. Got this offer of 25000 salary, likely to be raised to 30,000 from second month onwards. It's a starting position of management trainee in an HR based company, though I have prior exp. in a different area. The nature of two jobs looks similar as far as my efforts go. Then I was kind of PAing the GM while being a GET, here I'll be PAing the MD-CEO with obviously lesser hypocrisy. There I learnt many things, here also I'll learn as one does while doing any job diligently. There I was at square one at the end of 2 years, here may be, may be not after 2 years, but right now I am at square one.
The prospect of getting back among people is attracting, after a long depressing time in a closet. I was feeling uneasy yesterday about giving interview, about being judged for their requirements, and falling short. I prepared a few basic questions. Told myself - I am the best. Today as I was seated at their place among the employees who were doing I donno what on their desks, told myself again - 'I own this place'. It helped calm nerves, rather conquer nerves. A girl was particulary looking at me once in a while. Felt nice. You can't get this when you have confined yourself to a corner in your home.
Okay, so English rules in this country. And my english was better than the interviewer. I was confident, looking into the eyes and looking at his face with interest, knodding, looked keenly invested in whatever he was saying, while he would try to avoid contact every now and then. The basic preparation and self-awareness helped me in putting forth a coherent case. He told me the position was for the order of 15000/- pm salary. The CEO called me and offered a sales profile, and salary of 25000/- against my admission of 35000/- being the last salary I drew. Came up to 30000/-. I acceded. Then after a non-sensical point (which dawned to me later) transformed it into 25000/- for first month and 30,000/- from second month onwards.
After almost 5 years of passing out of college, 2 years of work exp - I have a job offer of 25000. Pre is 2 months away. Mummy thinks how will I prepare with job and I should reject it. Have also told her casually - haan ye to aise hi gya tha, faaltu job hai. kaun jaega manaa kar dunga. Have felt before, in subtle ways, my parents' discomfirt at me being out of job for so long, and I have also been feeling my edges have become blunt, and I could be becoming more and more 'useless' or unmarketable. May be these are just demons in mind. Today to a slight extent, I felt otherwise. I think I should not join. But perhaps I am going to create a sorry figure at UPSC once again. Have been getting more and more convinced of my incompetence in this competition. Is it also just a demon in my mind? Shall I see otherwise? Or should I join, and see how things go for one month - at job as well as with preparation? Or better have RBI-grade B in mind than this job. I am 25000 worth of a person. How reassuring it is, or it is symptomatic of the mess I am in, or of the mass I possess, despite the mess. What should I do?