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How to overcome lonliness and helplessness

I have been feeling lonely alot and am a girl.
I dont talk to anyone. I hv mostly low self confidence and feel sad and pity MOST OF THE TIMES.
I feel left out and neglected in society wherever i go.
Am preparing fo civil services, sometimes wen my mood is off i get extremely negative and pressurised and i feel like letting off / pouring out this pressure. I just VOMIT it OUT. I m left wid no other option.

I am not good at expressing things. Also i dont feel parents n siblings will und me all d times and also a normal grl frn is also rarely there . ( that too not possible mostly?
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Comments

  • Its normal thing with upsc aspirants. Try to read good books. Books are good companion. Try to look for like minded people. Watch good documentaries
    ·
  • I have been feeling lonely alot and am a girl.
    I dont talk to anyone. I hv mostly low self confidence and feel sad and pity MOST OF THE TIMES.
    I feel left out and neglected in society wherever i go.
    Am preparing fo civil services, sometimes wen my mood is off i get extremely negative and pressurised and i feel like letting off / pouring out this pressure. I just VOMIT it OUT. I m left wid no other option.

    I am not good at expressing things. Also i dont feel parents n siblings will und me all d times and also a normal grl frn is also rarely there . ( that too not possible mostly?

    There, there.
    I rebel; therefore I exist.
    ·
  • Forum pe there is a thread for depressed people. Some write there... But there are still others like me who keep their pain to themselves.... And develop medical complexity and disease... It's good u have spoken Ur heart... Do talk to PPL on forum.. sab theek ho jayega kabhi to
    ·
  • I have been feeling lonely alot and am a girl.
    I dont talk to anyone. I hv mostly low self confidence and feel sad and pity MOST OF THE TIMES.
    I feel left out and neglected in society wherever i go.
    Am preparing fo civil services, sometimes wen my mood is off i get extremely negative and pressurised and i feel like letting off / pouring out this pressure. I just VOMIT it OUT. I m left wid no other option.

    I am not good at expressing things. Also i dont feel parents n siblings will und me all d times and also a normal grl frn is also rarely there . ( that too not possible mostly?

    Saving people, hunting things, the family business!!
    ·
  • Try talking to someone on yourdost.com dear... :)
    Or message me if you like...
    "It's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you"
    - Rachel (Batman Begins)
    ·
  • take necessary steps as suggested above. Winter will make loneliness and depression more intense. Please break the cycle asap. No friends? Shy? Fine! It's safe to go for a solo trip to Rajasthan or Punjab at this time (considering you are in Delhi). Go out for a week. I promise you will feel rejuvenated.
    ·
  • Its normal to feel lonely and helpless at times during the long journey of UPSC , but if  this problem is regular than seeking medical care should be the first step before it develops into depression. There is no need to feel ashamed about it, that said there are some easy steps you can take to alleviate your pain a bit. If you can ,try going for a morning walk, a little bit of yoga can also do wonders, you can  also join personality development classes it will not only  help boost your confidence but you can also interact with people over there.
    Now, direct contact is little difficult but you can try writing on the forum, there are many bakar threads just jump right in , don't bother much about what you write over here.
    In the end , though, there no alternative to face to face interactions..... You will need to work on this aspect of your personality and that change  would have to come from your side itself     
    Man is but a reed, the weakest in nature, but he is a thinking reed
    ·
  • Hi.

    First of all you must realise that it is okay to feel like this. There is no shame/guilt in being lonely.

    Second, you have to treat yourself because no one else will.

    Third, to treat your feelings yourself you must find out the reason behind these feelings.
    Is it because you are preparing in isolation?
    Is it a part of your personality, meaning, are you an introvert?
    Is it the exam stress? Is the workload burning you out.
    Is it frustration of some sort?
    Do you miss someone?

    All this is okay, but you need to identify this. So you can cure it, move forward and compete.
    Its quite okay if your parents do not understand. Most Indian parents rarely do. But its not okay if you sulk in the corner.You need to fight.

    I had your symptoms for 6 months. I thought I was depressed. I wasnt. I needed sunlight, exercise and company.Thats it. I was lucky to identify that I needed this. Even more lucky that I found a cure.

    Also, I should warn you, if these symptoms gain strength, they will interfere with your studies which is very dangerous. This makes UPSC prep a sheer waste of time, energy, money and youth.

    My suggestions:

    1.Get more sunlight if you stay indoors all day. Wake up and embrace sunshine. This might sound like advice that a baba might give. It works, trust me.

    2. Exercise. Join a dance group.There will be mosty girls in it . You can make friends. This way you'll exercise and be a part of a group. You wont have to talk much.

    3. Eat a balanced diet. We are machines. We need energy, vitamins and minerals. One option is to eat lots of vegetables and fruits. Some aspirants cant afford that so you can take multivitamins after conulting a doctor.Do not eat sugar too much. Limit caffeine.

    4. Its okay if you dont have friends but you need to laugh. Watch comedy shows. Anything that makes you laugh. watch it right before you sleep.Be careful, dont waste too much time in this.

    5.Get atleast 8 hours of sleep. When we sleep, our brain does its servicing. It shrinks and removes all toxins from the itself Sleep is underrated but for a UPSC aspirant, it is nothing short of nector of the Gods. Lack of sleep will cause imbalance of hormones, make you fat , dumb and slow. This in turn will cause more negative feelings. So sleep properly and do not use your phone nefore you sleep. Blue light reduces the quality and quantity of your sleep.

    5. Divide your workload into extremely small units. Lets say you're studying optional, go 5 pages at a time. Every time you complete it , imagine yourself inching closer to your goal, feel happy, proceed further.

    6.Do not try to cure these feelings through a person. That is, dont find a cure in people. People will change, they'll leave you, they will want something better(self interest)You have to cure yourself.That being said man is a social animal and we all crave company. An exercise group is a good solution for you.

    7.There are many women here who are preparing for the exam. Make friends. Take initiative. This feeling of feeling sorry for yourself will keep you in a pot hole. Its destructive. Its unproductive. It needs to stop.

    8. Read. I mean other than what you read for UPSC. Read self help. Read the classics. Read biographies..Read about inspirational women. Get up and read 10 pages before you start your day.

    9. Watch inspirational movies. https://brightside.me/article/20-inspiring-films-about-strong-women-96255/
    Here is a link to start you off. Watch one every week. There are loads more.Again, before careful how you spend your time.

    !0. Warning. Lets say you do find a a way to come out of this mental slowdown. Whatever has helped you with it, do not get addicted to it. For example, you find that comedy helps you. Do not spend majority of your time watching youtube videos.

    11. Stay away from Insta, fb, any app that displays how people have everything figured out. No one has anything figured out. Its a mirage. Everyone is troubled. They chose not to display it. Which is okay, but it should not hurt you mentally. So embrace isolation. Isolation for a year is not bad. Many men and women have acheived great feats in isolation, you can too if you chose to embrace it.Use phone lockinga nd website locking apps to shut the internet down.

    12. Another soluton to all this is getting a job.Complete your optional and get a job, cover everything else along with it. This is why so many aspirants who work clear. They are super busy, they have novelty in their life. Roz, kuch na kuch ho rha hota hai, they do not get time to think negative thoughts. They work.

    Ill leave you with three principles.I read them in a book.

    1. Become stoic. That is, indifference to plain or pleasure. This seems boring but itll strengthen your belief ssytem and improve your competitive abilities.

    2.Follow this thought process.
    Do.(Work, study , solve , give test. whatever. Basically, act.)
    Observe( See how the results are, observe how far you are from your goal. Measure it effectively.)
    Correct.( Execute corrective measures.)

    Any other emption or feeling other than this cycle , reject.

    3.You can slow down time. Its not hard. You need to do this. Whenever you are working be totally engrossed in it. Think slow but steady , do not break your mental momentum. This super focus actually slows time(not actually, basically you do more in less time)You are more productive. Itll come with time but if you master it you will

    Repeat this cycle. Do not care about anything else. Do not worry. Worrying is a waste of time.

    All this sounds like a lot of work. It is. You have to make a forced habit out it. Its for you though. This is the " journey" UPSC takes you on.Lots of aspirants before you and after you will go through this. It is how they deal with it, that will define them. UPSC prep pushes you down and sees if you can pick yourself up. It tries to malign and marginalize you.The stress plays havoc on your health -physical, emotional and spiritual. Particularly, your mental health.What you think defines you. So dont just be happy.Think happy. Think about success. Fall in love with the process of succeeding and whatever you are feeling right now will seem childish and funny after some time.



    If you have any doubts, you can comment here.
    God bless and prosper.

    One step,One Punch,One Round At a Time.
    How you do anything is how you do everything.

    PSIR Optional. Aspiring Diplomat.
    ·
  • I have been feeling lonely alot and am a girl.
    I dont talk to anyone. I hv mostly low self confidence and feel sad and pity MOST OF THE TIMES.
    I feel left out and neglected in society wherever i go.
    Am preparing fo civil services, sometimes wen my mood is off i get extremely negative and pressurised and i feel like letting off / pouring out this pressure. I just VOMIT it OUT. I m left wid no other option.

    I am not good at expressing things. Also i dont feel parents n siblings will und me all d times and also a normal grl frn is also rarely there . ( that too not possible mostly?

    शानदार जबरदस्त जिंदाबाद
    ·
  • Hi.

    First of all you must realise that it is okay to feel like this. There is no shame/guilt in being lonely.

    Second, you have to treat yourself because no one else will.

    Third, to treat your feelings yourself you must find out the reason behind these feelings.
    Is it because you are preparing in isolation?
    Is it a part of your personality, meaning, are you an introvert?
    Is it the exam stress? Is the workload burning you out.
    Is it frustration of some sort?
    Do you miss someone?

    All this is okay, but you need to identify this. So you can cure it, move forward and compete.
    Its quite okay if your parents do not understand. Most Indian parents rarely do. But its not okay if you sulk in the corner.You need to fight.

    I had your symptoms for 6 months. I thought I was depressed. I wasnt. I needed sunlight, exercise and company.Thats it. I was lucky to identify that I needed this. Even more lucky that I found a cure.

    Also, I should warn you, if these symptoms gain strength, they will interfere with your studies which is very dangerous. This makes UPSC prep a sheer waste of time, energy, money and youth.

    My suggestions:

    1.Get more sunlight if you stay indoors all day. Wake up and embrace sunshine. This might sound like advice that a baba might give. It works, trust me.

    2. Exercise. Join a dance group.There will be mosty girls in it . You can make friends. This way you'll exercise and be a part of a group. You wont have to talk much.

    3. Eat a balanced diet. We are machines. We need energy, vitamins and minerals. One option is to eat lots of vegetables and fruits. Some aspirants cant afford that so you can take multivitamins after conulting a doctor.Do not eat sugar too much. Limit caffeine.

    4. Its okay if you dont have friends but you need to laugh. Watch comedy shows. Anything that makes you laugh. watch it right before you sleep.Be careful, dont waste too much time in this.

    5.Get atleast 8 hours of sleep. When we sleep, our brain does its servicing. It shrinks and removes all toxins from the itself Sleep is underrated but for a UPSC aspirant, it is nothing short of nector of the Gods. Lack of sleep will cause imbalance of hormones, make you fat , dumb and slow. This in turn will cause more negative feelings. So sleep properly and do not use your phone nefore you sleep. Blue light reduces the quality and quantity of your sleep.

    5. Divide your workload into extremely small units. Lets say you're studying optional, go 5 pages at a time. Every time you complete it , imagine yourself inching closer to your goal, feel happy, proceed further.

    6.Do not try to cure these feelings through a person. That is, dont find a cure in people. People will change, they'll leave you, they will want something better(self interest)You have to cure yourself.That being said man is a social animal and we all crave company. An exercise group is a good solution for you.

    7.There are many women here who are preparing for the exam. Make friends. Take initiative. This feeling of feeling sorry for yourself will keep you in a pot hole. Its destructive. Its unproductive. It needs to stop.

    8. Read. I mean other than what you read for UPSC. Read self help. Read the classics. Read biographies..Read about inspirational women. Get up and read 10 pages before you start your day.

    9. Watch inspirational movies. https://brightside.me/article/20-inspiring-films-about-strong-women-96255/
    Here is a link to start you off. Watch one every week. There are loads more.Again, before careful how you spend your time.

    !0. Warning. Lets say you do find a a way to come out of this mental slowdown. Whatever has helped you with it, do not get addicted to it. For example, you find that comedy helps you. Do not spend majority of your time watching youtube videos.

    11. Stay away from Insta, fb, any app that displays how people have everything figured out. No one has anything figured out. Its a mirage. Everyone is troubled. They chose not to display it. Which is okay, but it should not hurt you mentally. So embrace isolation. Isolation for a year is not bad. Many men and women have acheived great feats in isolation, you can too if you chose to embrace it.Use phone lockinga nd website locking apps to shut the internet down.

    12. Another soluton to all this is getting a job.Complete your optional and get a job, cover everything else along with it. This is why so many aspirants who work clear. They are super busy, they have novelty in their life. Roz, kuch na kuch ho rha hota hai, they do not get time to think negative thoughts. They work.

    Ill leave you with three principles.I read them in a book.

    1. Become stoic. That is, indifference to plain or pleasure. This seems boring but itll strengthen your belief ssytem and improve your competitive abilities.

    2.Follow this thought process.
    Do.(Work, study , solve , give test. whatever. Basically, act.)
    Observe( See how the results are, observe how far you are from your goal. Measure it effectively.)
    Correct.( Execute corrective measures.)

    Any other emption or feeling other than this cycle , reject.

    3.You can slow down time. Its not hard. You need to do this. Whenever you are working be totally engrossed in it. Think slow but steady , do not break your mental momentum. This super focus actually slows time(not actually, basically you do more in less time)You are more productive. Itll come with time but if you master it you will

    Repeat this cycle. Do not care about anything else. Do not worry. Worrying is a waste of time.

    All this sounds like a lot of work. It is. You have to make a forced habit out it. Its for you though. This is the " journey" UPSC takes you on.Lots of aspirants before you and after you will go through this. It is how they deal with it, that will define them. UPSC prep pushes you down and sees if you can pick yourself up. It tries to malign and marginalize you.The stress plays havoc on your health -physical, emotional and spiritual. Particularly, your mental health.What you think defines you. So dont just be happy.Think happy. Think about success. Fall in love with the process of succeeding and whatever you are feeling right now will seem childish and funny after some time.



    If you have any doubts, you can comment here.
    God bless and prosper.

    I m already taking GS + Optional coachings, so no scope for joining any classes - personality development or dance.

    I need personality development classes though but since i am juggling b/w 2 coachings. I hardly get time.

    Next year i ll join a school teacher job
    ·
  • Am introvert. But i do need personality development classes. I can join next year on weekends may be. This year all time in coaching n basics
    ·
  • Reading your post, everything just appeared like a flash infront of me. I felt like I can relate to this post. have been kind of in a similar situation. I am pursuing post-grad in one of the finest institutes in Delhi. It's my final year.

    Right from the 1st year, I was totally into UPSC preparation. Didn't go to college much. Made no friends. Whoever little I talked to became strangers with time as I didn't attend classes and even if I did attend, I used to avoid talking to anyone and spend time in library.

    Most of my friends from grad and school are either in a job or abroad and have gotten too busy with their life.
    I live alone. I have no one to talk to.

    Initially, i thought this was the ideal way to prepare for UPSC. It was totally fine for me to be like this for a year or so, but this loneliness started building up on me after that. The downside is, I am a social person but UPSC does things to you, you are not prepared to face.

    What all I have done to alleviate it-

    1. I have been going on guided heritage walks on some Sunday mornings. It consumes like 3-4 hours, but rejuvenates you. And, is not expensive at all.
    2. Sometimes, once in a month or two, I just take my water bottle and phone and go out without a plan. I go somewhere I have not been to in the city and explore places and treat myself with good food. It was awkward for me sit down and eat in a restaurant alone where everyone else is with someone else but now I am accustomed to it.
    3. I talk to more to my mom and other family members.
    4. I watch some good series once in a while. It helps me forget everything else.
    5. Make a time-table and study accordingly. It helps keep the mind occupied and prevents it from thinking anything else.

    Though the above things have not alleviated my loneliness, but it helps me get rid of frustration that builds up with time.

    Besides, and the most important thing, I find solace in studies, it feels like this is all that will help me reach my dream and other things are not too important right now.
    ·
  • abhi44 said:

    Reading your post, everything just appeared like a flash infront of me. I felt like I can relate to this post. have been kind of in a similar situation. I am pursuing post-grad in one of the finest institutes in Delhi. It's my final year.

    Right from the 1st year, I was totally into UPSC preparation. Didn't go to college much. Made no friends. Whoever little I talked to became strangers with time as I didn't attend classes and even if I did attend, I used to avoid talking to anyone and spend time in library.

    Most of my friends from grad and school are either in a job or abroad and have gotten too busy with their life.
    I live alone. I have no one to talk to.

    Initially, i thought this was the ideal way to prepare for UPSC. It was totally fine for me to be like this for a year or so, but this loneliness started building up on me after that. The downside is, I am a social person but UPSC does things to you, you are not prepared to face.

    What all I have done to alleviate it-

    1. I have been going on guided heritage walks on some Sunday mornings. It consumes like 3-4 hours, but rejuvenates you. And, is not expensive at all.
    2. Sometimes, once in a month or two, I just take my water bottle and phone and go out without a plan. I go somewhere I have not been to in the city and explore places and treat myself with good food. It was awkward for me sit down and eat in a restaurant alone where everyone else is with someone else but now I am accustomed to it.
    3. I talk to more to my mom and other family members.
    4. I watch some good series once in a while. It helps me forget everything else.
    5. Make a time-table and study accordingly. It helps keep the mind occupied and prevents it from thinking anything else.

    Though the above things have not alleviated my loneliness, but it helps me get rid of frustration that builds up with time.

    Besides, and the most important thing, I find solace in studies, it feels like this is all that will help me reach my dream and other things are not too important right now.

    Yes but then enjoying all this you think are you are ignoring to earn since 3-4 and then you feel self pity.
    I decided to enter into upsc very late. Since then i decided, my sibling has turned against me.

    Am not able to study with peace much, pressure is there always. So i think i need a break, i ll earn also ( school teacher n prepare alongwith). Maybe that will mk happy wenever i go to chill out with my money. I wont feel bad
    ·
  • abhi44 said:

    Reading your post, everything just appeared like a flash infront of me. I felt like I can relate to this post. have been kind of in a similar situation. I am pursuing post-grad in one of the finest institutes in Delhi. It's my final year.

    Right from the 1st year, I was totally into UPSC preparation. Didn't go to college much. Made no friends. Whoever little I talked to became strangers with time as I didn't attend classes and even if I did attend, I used to avoid talking to anyone and spend time in library.

    Most of my friends from grad and school are either in a job or abroad and have gotten too busy with their life.
    I live alone. I have no one to talk to.

    Initially, i thought this was the ideal way to prepare for UPSC. It was totally fine for me to be like this for a year or so, but this loneliness started building up on me after that. The downside is, I am a social person but UPSC does things to you, you are not prepared to face.

    What all I have done to alleviate it-

    1. I have been going on guided heritage walks on some Sunday mornings. It consumes like 3-4 hours, but rejuvenates you. And, is not expensive at all.
    2. Sometimes, once in a month or two, I just take my water bottle and phone and go out without a plan. I go somewhere I have not been to in the city and explore places and treat myself with good food. It was awkward for me sit down and eat in a restaurant alone where everyone else is with someone else but now I am accustomed to it.
    3. I talk to more to my mom and other family members.
    4. I watch some good series once in a while. It helps me forget everything else.
    5. Make a time-table and study accordingly. It helps keep the mind occupied and prevents it from thinking anything else.

    Though the above things have not alleviated my loneliness, but it helps me get rid of frustration that builds up with time.

    Besides, and the most important thing, I find solace in studies, it feels like this is all that will help me reach my dream and other things are not too important right now.

    Yes but then enjoying all this you think are you are ignoring to earn since 3-4 and then you feel self pity.
    I decided to enter into upsc very late. Since then i decided, my sibling has turned against me.

    Am not able to study with peace much, pressure is there always. So i think i need a break, i ll earn also ( school teacher n prepare alongwith). Maybe that will mk happy wenever i go to chill out with my money. I wont feel bad
    Yes, that's a good decision actually. Take a job and prepare along with it. Maybe, that way you might be able to beat your loneliness and gain support from family as well.
    As for me, the struggle continues in near future :neutral:
    Best of luck :smile:
    ·
  • abhi44 said:

    abhi44 said:

    Reading your post, everything just appeared like a flash infront of me. I felt like I can relate to this post. have been kind of in a similar situation. I am pursuing post-grad in one of the finest institutes in Delhi. It's my final year.

    Right from the 1st year, I was totally into UPSC preparation. Didn't go to college much. Made no friends. Whoever little I talked to became strangers with time as I didn't attend classes and even if I did attend, I used to avoid talking to anyone and spend time in library.

    Most of my friends from grad and school are either in a job or abroad and have gotten too busy with their life.
    I live alone. I have no one to talk to.

    Initially, i thought this was the ideal way to prepare for UPSC. It was totally fine for me to be like this for a year or so, but this loneliness started building up on me after that. The downside is, I am a social person but UPSC does things to you, you are not prepared to face.

    What all I have done to alleviate it-

    1. I have been going on guided heritage walks on some Sunday mornings. It consumes like 3-4 hours, but rejuvenates you. And, is not expensive at all.
    2. Sometimes, once in a month or two, I just take my water bottle and phone and go out without a plan. I go somewhere I have not been to in the city and explore places and treat myself with good food. It was awkward for me sit down and eat in a restaurant alone where everyone else is with someone else but now I am accustomed to it.
    3. I talk to more to my mom and other family members.
    4. I watch some good series once in a while. It helps me forget everything else.
    5. Make a time-table and study accordingly. It helps keep the mind occupied and prevents it from thinking anything else.

    Though the above things have not alleviated my loneliness, but it helps me get rid of frustration that builds up with time.

    Besides, and the most important thing, I find solace in studies, it feels like this is all that will help me reach my dream and other things are not too important right now.

    Yes but then enjoying all this you think are you are ignoring to earn since 3-4 and then you feel self pity.
    I decided to enter into upsc very late. Since then i decided, my sibling has turned against me.

    Am not able to study with peace much, pressure is there always. So i think i need a break, i ll earn also ( school teacher n prepare alongwith). Maybe that will mk happy wenever i go to chill out with my money. I wont feel bad
    Yes, that's a good decision actually. Take a job and prepare along with it. Maybe, that way you might be able to beat your loneliness and gain support from family as well.
    As for me, the struggle continues in near future :neutral:
    Best of luck :smile:
    But i have 2 coachings this year so no scope for job . So next year i ll try for job..
    ·
  • when u are depressed=> study
    When u are sad =>study
    When u don't like studying=>study.

    Ur feelings today are becoz of situation that u are in its very natural .when u are in kashmir u will feel cold.
    ·
  • And coz of this low self confidence
    ·
  • @abhi44 And coz of this i have been running in low confidence and low self esteem.
    @gentle_giant
    ·
  • Buy a kitten. Or adopt some street dogs.

    Works wonders!
    ·
  • Its normal to feel lonely and helpless at times during the long journey of UPSC , but if  this problem is regular than seeking medical care should be the first step before it develops into depression. There is no need to feel ashamed about it, that said there are some easy steps you can take to alleviate your pain a bit. If you can ,try going for a morning walk, a little bit of yoga can also do wonders, you can  also join personality development classes it will not only  help boost your confidence but you can also interact with people over there.
    Now, direct contact is little difficult but you can try writing on the forum, there are many bakar threads just jump right in , don't bother much about what you write over here.
    In the end , though, there no alternative to face to face interactions..... You will need to work on this aspect of your personality and that change  would have to come from your side itself     

    I m presently taking 2 coachings so probably no time for personality developmnt classes but yes next year m going to join job so may be i cn join sm class but then i ll hv to keep weekends fr study only with job
    Or u tell me how to go about it
    ·
  • @Chitra1234567 Try writing what you feel when you are down..It will help a lot. As someone pointed out make sure your room is having enough sunshine. I believe you are just not enough in open. Another thing take a multivitamin tablet every morning
    "If one takes care of the means, the end will take care of itself.
    ·
  • One thing helped me in my previous attempts - I used to go and study at places where there was a lot of activity once in a while - not distracting activity but where people other than aspirants are going along with life. It worked for me - gave me motivation and removed the drudgery. You look at other people, their struggles, their small joys and it's meditative as well - you end up introspecting. I'm also somewhat an introvert. You realise there's so much to life - and this exam is a part of your journey.
    And this is when I don't stay in orn - my family is in Delhi and I'm very close to my family - I've stayed at home throughout my preparation - but even then you need to go and see the world, sometimes alone. I've never found solace in cse libraries - I've preferred libraries that have other people too.
    So long story short - try reading the newspaper someday in a ccd or some other place in cp or in a mall. Not as a daily habit but regularly as a break - it helped me. Just ensure you know how much time to spend at such a place. :)
    ·
  • And take care of yourself in this journey - we all tend to idolise the image of a typical aspirant - unkempt, unaware of anything but studying - but take care of your physical and mental health - richest dividends in life. Much more than clearing this exam with compromised health.
    Scientifically too the chemical-locha a good walk/run/activity produces in the mind is necessary.
    Shabbir sir once said in class "be sincere, not serious". It has stuck with me ever since - though I'm still trying to reduce the seriousness :) take care
    ·
  • Its normal to feel lonely and helpless at times during the long journey of UPSC , but if  this problem is regular than seeking medical care should be the first step before it develops into depression. There is no need to feel ashamed about it, that said there are some easy steps you can take to alleviate your pain a bit. If you can ,try going for a morning walk, a little bit of yoga can also do wonders, you can  also join personality development classes it will not only  help boost your confidence but you can also interact with people over there.
    Now, direct contact is little difficult but you can try writing on the forum, there are many bakar threads just jump right in , don't bother much about what you write over here.
    In the end , though, there no alternative to face to face interactions..... You will need to work on this aspect of your personality and that change  would have to come from your side itself     

    I m presently taking 2 coachings so probably no time for personality developmnt classes but yes next year m going to join job so may be i cn join sm class but then i ll hv to keep weekends fr study only with job
    Or u tell me how to go about it
    IF you are thinking of taking teaching as a profession then for the time being there's no need to join any personality classes. Teaching in itself is a great way to gain confidence over oneself, it will help you with your communication skills as well and if you are teaching students below 12-13 year old then the resistance you might feel while talking to someone of same age will not be there. But as you mentioned you will be joining only next year onwards ,so till then try doing the Self-talk/Mirror talk routine , instead of talking in your head talk with yourself loudly , pen down your thoughts and read them after 2-3 days you will be amazed to see that you are not as bad at expressing yourself as you thought in your head. Also, try to identify the deficiencies that are preventing you from expressing yourself - like lack of vocabulary, lack of coherence in thought pattern , poor self-image etc. and work on them gradually. Believe me there's enough time to improve , to learn and relearn, but you'll have to be patient through all this ........ no anxiety, no jittery nerves, just let it flow.......Se
    Man is but a reed, the weakest in nature, but he is a thinking reed
    ·
  • nandini said:

    One thing helped me in my previous attempts - I used to go and study at places where there was a lot of activity once in a while - not distracting activity but where people other than aspirants are going along with life. It worked for me - gave me motivation and removed the drudgery. You look at other people, their struggles, their small joys and it's meditative as well - you end up introspecting. I'm also somewhat an introvert. You realise there's so much to life - and this exam is a part of your journey.
    And this is when I don't stay in orn - my family is in Delhi and I'm very close to my family - I've stayed at home throughout my preparation - but even then you need to go and see the world, sometimes alone. I've never found solace in cse libraries - I've preferred libraries that have other people too.
    So long story short - try reading the newspaper someday in a ccd or some other place in cp or in a mall. Not as a daily habit but regularly as a break - it helped me. Just ensure you know how much time to spend at such a place. :)

    Well pinted out @nandini
    Thus actually works. When you observe others people going on with their life and their joys. You tend to motivate yourself to achieve better someday.
    After all, that's a human tendency.
    ·
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