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how to deal with depression ? old/unmarried/injob junta

ok now i am 30 and story might be similar to others .. gave mains sometime(numbers dont matter) and missed someby whisker (numbers dont matter again)..i am in job like govt one and it seems OK (no creature comfort ,rutba and other&)

-about syllabus done with static part and doin the current part

the thing bothering me is my age .. i am 30 .. unmarried .. and kids around call me uncle (yes it might sound amateurish but its to handle when all frinds young cousin got married.. and the fact that i already hold govt job doesnt allows me to make bahana

at this time even my decision-making-commitee is divided into two parts --

1.part one the old one says --go ahead you will clear prelim-main-interview-LBS and all then this and then that........

2.part two says -- u got old .. wasted your youth on upsc .. what u will get ? these jobs are too hefty .. they are like 24x7 job with no leave and weekend .. and nothing in return u will get (for the matter of fact being from a good institute of technology just increase all pain when u see all other enjoying foreign trips and vacation with there loved one).. upsc prep just gave u hairfall .. old age and nothing .. u will one day just forgot all knowledge u gain here with no applicaiton and the loss of youth will be there

and yes there is a ego part of me ... which is much like hitler and trump putin .. like that leonardo dicaprio in django unchained (using all those example else govt of india will book me hate speech).. which think itself superior to other


i didnt meant any offence and please understand that its very dificult to change people beleief .. however decision making need wisdom which clearly i am laking

i have spend 30 years of my life till now just studying .. nothing else and now i thinking i miss life .. is life only means books and study . coz i have only exp them till now

sometime feeling of suicide grip in .. (too strange when i study indian history ).. some religious study bring me to think as if this life is just a diluted hell tailormade for me .. we are aleready dead and this our helll


and why i am writing this here coz only people who have exp pain cud understand other people .. .family/office everyone elese i am fool ... to me it just doesnt matter .. i stopped living for them long ago .. but now i have begin to question my own decision ... and news bring me depression .. i hate failure .. i never failed in anything else in life .. got what i wanted completelty or partialy .. except this UPSC thing.. when i started this journey i was energetic and now i feel lethargic ... the feeling of going to some old village with local mla goon or exp the colorfull(colors colours there are colors i hate some, i like some ) diversity of our country now dont intrest me .. and as a rule of thumb in my life i always considered myself best my decision best while others below me (proved this theory several time due to this thinking also ).. and sometime i think every oldie look like a foolhardy to me including me ...

i respect logic even if its from enemy... like some monk calming a worrior .. i know there are monk in this forum ... plz provide a guide to life

«13

Comments

  • Get married and keep preparing.
    Citizenmonk@gmail.com

    *Account not in use*

    Please contact me on email id above.
  • Just set a deadline for yourself after which you're not going to give anymore attempts...meanwhile you can just talk to your friends or family to get constant motivation and god forbid if you don't clear this exam then please search for happiness may be in your wife, parents, do some social work, charity. Be a good son, a good husband and a better person.
    In the end its all about happiness and personal satisfaction.
    That's what I've learnt with time.I hope it may help you. :smile:
  • ok now i am 30 and story might be similar to others .. gave mains sometime(numbers dont matter) and missed someby whisker (numbers dont matter again)..i am in job like govt one and it seems OK (no creature comfort ,rutba and other&)

    -about syllabus done with static part and doin the current part

    the thing bothering me is my age .. i am 30 .. unmarried .. and kids around call me uncle (yes it might sound amateurish but its to handle when all frinds young cousin got married.. and the fact that i already hold govt job doesnt allows me to make bahana

    at this time even my decision-making-commitee is divided into two parts --

    1.part one the old one says --go ahead you will clear prelim-main-interview-LBS and all then this and then that........

    2.part two says -- u got old .. wasted your youth on upsc .. what u will get ? these jobs are too hefty .. they are like 24x7 job with no leave and weekend .. and nothing in return u will get (for the matter of fact being from a good institute of technology just increase all pain when u see all other enjoying foreign trips and vacation with there loved one).. upsc prep just gave u hairfall .. old age and nothing .. u will one day just forgot all knowledge u gain here with no applicaiton and the loss of youth will be there

    and yes there is a ego part of me ... which is much like hitler and trump putin .. like that leonardo dicaprio in django unchained (using all those example else govt of india will book me hate speech).. which think itself superior to other


    i didnt meant any offence and please understand that its very dificult to change people beleief .. however decision making need wisdom which clearly i am laking

    i have spend 30 years of my life till now just studying .. nothing else and now i thinking i miss life .. is life only means books and study . coz i have only exp them till now

    sometime feeling of suicide grip in .. (too strange when i study indian history ).. some religious study bring me to think as if this life is just a diluted hell tailormade for me .. we are aleready dead and this our helll


    and why i am writing this here coz only people who have exp pain cud understand other people .. .family/office everyone elese i am fool ... to me it just doesnt matter .. i stopped living for them long ago .. but now i have begin to question my own decision ... and news bring me depression .. i hate failure .. i never failed in anything else in life .. got what i wanted completelty or partialy .. except this UPSC thing.. when i started this journey i was energetic and now i feel lethargic ... the feeling of going to some old village with local mla goon or exp the colorfull(colors colours there are colors i hate some, i like some ) diversity of our country now dont intrest me .. and as a rule of thumb in my life i always considered myself best my decision best while others below me (proved this theory several time due to this thinking also ).. and sometime i think every oldie look like a foolhardy to me including me ...

    i respect logic even if its from enemy... like some monk calming a worrior .. i know there are monk in this forum ... plz provide a guide to life

    stop trolling on public forums.
    An Ounce of Action Is Worth a Ton of Theory
  • edited April 9
    "...i am in job like govt one and it seems OK (no creature comfort ,rutba and other&)",
    rutbe ke liye depressed ho?

    @Ferrero_rocher and @JaiShriRam are psycological counselors of the forum. They can advice you something good.
    Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.
  • Burger said:

    "...i am in job like govt one and it seems OK (no creature comfort ,rutba and other&)",
    rutbe ke liye depressed ho?

    @Ferrero_rocher and @JaiShriRam are psycological counselors of the forum. They can advice you something good.

    Kuch bhi :/
    Dum Spiro Spero
  • Started preparing in 2015 . Wasn't having much time to take coaching due to some family issues ..so just took coaching of optional and few gs subjects and go back to home.

    Friends have been able to get decent careers and all married . This puts pressure on me :-(

    Due to my family issues some time i am unable to focus on preparation . But still am trying to fight

    Currently am also unable to come out of reading phase .Haven't taken any tests so far .So lack confidence in writing .I have joined mgp test series but haven't given any tests .What i try is to do topics ache se and then give tests ..andthis ache se never happens. How to come to a stage where am able to write full tests ..

    Another issues concerning is job security . I cant go far off from my home town .So i am thnking to take SSC job like incOme t TAx inspector . But as competition is high am thinking to fully focus on ssc first..then give.my attempts after having a decent job ...


    Please share your views
    TIA
  • edited April 9
    Get married and make babies n stop creating these type of threads...ty
  • ok now i am 30 and story might be similar to others .. gave mains sometime(numbers dont matter) and missed someby whisker (numbers dont matter again)..i am in job like govt one and it seems OK (no creature comfort ,rutba and other&)

    -about syllabus done with static part and doin the current part

    the thing bothering me is my age .. i am 30 .. unmarried .. and kids around call me uncle (yes it might sound amateurish but its to handle when all frinds young cousin got married.. and the fact that i already hold govt job doesnt allows me to make bahana

    at this time even my decision-making-commitee is divided into two parts --

    1.part one the old one says --go ahead you will clear prelim-main-interview-LBS and all then this and then that........

    2.part two says -- u got old .. wasted your youth on upsc .. what u will get ? these jobs are too hefty .. they are like 24x7 job with no leave and weekend .. and nothing in return u will get (for the matter of fact being from a good institute of technology just increase all pain when u see all other enjoying foreign trips and vacation with there loved one).. upsc prep just gave u hairfall .. old age and nothing .. u will one day just forgot all knowledge u gain here with no applicaiton and the loss of youth will be there

    and yes there is a ego part of me ... which is much like hitler and trump putin .. like that leonardo dicaprio in django unchained (using all those example else govt of india will book me hate speech).. which think itself superior to other


    i didnt meant any offence and please understand that its very dificult to change people beleief .. however decision making need wisdom which clearly i am laking

    i have spend 30 years of my life till now just studying .. nothing else and now i thinking i miss life .. is life only means books and study . coz i have only exp them till now

    sometime feeling of suicide grip in .. (too strange when i study indian history ).. some religious study bring me to think as if this life is just a diluted hell tailormade for me .. we are aleready dead and this our helll


    and why i am writing this here coz only people who have exp pain cud understand other people .. .family/office everyone elese i am fool ... to me it just doesnt matter .. i stopped living for them long ago .. but now i have begin to question my own decision ... and news bring me depression .. i hate failure .. i never failed in anything else in life .. got what i wanted completelty or partialy .. except this UPSC thing.. when i started this journey i was energetic and now i feel lethargic ... the feeling of going to some old village with local mla goon or exp the colorfull(colors colours there are colors i hate some, i like some ) diversity of our country now dont intrest me .. and as a rule of thumb in my life i always considered myself best my decision best while others below me (proved this theory several time due to this thinking also ).. and sometime i think every oldie look like a foolhardy to me including me ...

    i respect logic even if its from enemy... like some monk calming a worrior .. i know there are monk in this forum ... plz provide a guide to life

    Bhai main to yahi kahunga enjoy the journey...don't think too much about success/ failure...baki with time ke sath lethargy aa hi jati h.. improve ur self...set goals...be happy..
  • @ Wolf of Wall Street .
    Consider these facts :
    - I am in 30s with no employment at all and no work experience at all.
    - Suffered relationship trouble two years back.So still single .
    - Whatever jobs I used to apply . In one or the other sense , it always ended in failure .
    - Almost every other friend of mine is in civil services and some have completed even four or five years of service there .
    - No social recognition. Every other relative don't bother that even I m in existence .
    Feeling little bit happy .?Now continue reading ....
    Consider these facts now :
    - I am never been depressed only sad sometimes .
    - Always looks for the flip side if I am sad.
    -I never compare myself to others. Remember , do not compare yourself with other persons. Respect yourself . Life is not fair. The sooner you will realise it , easier would it be for you at peace with yourself.
    - I never thought the process of preparation as a mistake . I took this as the process of my self improvement . It is just a irony that , we study and read only for exams . Warren buffet life has been changed by just one book , 'the intelligent investor ' .
    - This June pre exam would possibly be my last attempt . I am just studying for it like I am preparing for the first time rectifying my mistakes while preparation .
    And consider these final points :
    - Have more control on your thoughts . I will recommend a book ' The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari'. One of my fav book.
    - Give more time to think what u want rather than what u not .
    - Have patience and relax . Life is not a thing to be taken seriously .
    - Finally , if you still want more thoughts , read Buddhism thoroughly . It will also help u in pre and mains exam .
  • Evn buddha left home at d age of 29 and mahavir left at 30
  • Having ego is good as Sants n monks says zindagi zhand hai phir v ghamand hai :mrgreen: .baki come to animal kingdom n u will realize the only purpose of life is perpetuation of race.u jus make sure dat u transfer best possible genes to Ur coming generation,rest is f9 atleast none F my concern. thatak!! :D B) :#
  • Jis jis ko sanyas lena hai mere china k tibbat mai uska swagat hai >:)
  • FAILURE IN CSE , IS A STATISTICAL CERTAINTY
  • @ Wolf of Wall Street .
    Consider these facts :
    - I am in 30s with no employment at all and no work experience at all.
    - Suffered relationship trouble two years back.So still single .
    - Whatever jobs I used to apply . In one or the other sense , it always ended in failure .
    - Almost every other friend of mine is in civil services and some have completed even four or five years of service there .
    - No social recognition. Every other relative don't bother that even I m in existence .
    Feeling little bit happy .?Now continue reading ....
    Consider these facts now :
    - I am never been depressed only sad sometimes .
    - Always looks for the flip side if I am sad.
    -I never compare myself to others. Remember , do not compare yourself with other persons. Respect yourself . Life is not fair. The sooner you will realise it , easier would it be for you at peace with yourself.
    - I never thought the process of preparation as a mistake . I took this as the process of my self improvement . It is just a irony that , we study and read only for exams . Warren buffet life has been changed by just one book , 'the intelligent investor ' .
    - This June pre exam would possibly be my last attempt . I am just studying for it like I am preparing for the first time rectifying my mistakes while preparation .
    And consider these final points :
    - Have more control on your thoughts . I will recommend a book ' The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari'. One of my fav book.
    - Give more time to think what u want rather than what u not .
    - Have patience and relax . Life is not a thing to be taken seriously .
    - Finally , if you still want more thoughts , read Buddhism thoroughly . It will also help u in pre and mains exam .

    <3
  • ok now i am 30 and story might be similar to others .. gave mains sometime(numbers dont matter) and missed someby whisker (numbers dont matter again)..i am in job like govt one and it seems OK (no creature comfort ,rutba and other&)

    -about syllabus done with static part and doin the current part

    the thing bothering me is my age .. i am 30 .. unmarried .. and kids around call me uncle (yes it might sound amateurish but its to handle when all frinds young cousin got married.. and the fact that i already hold govt job doesnt allows me to make bahana

    at this time even my decision-making-commitee is divided into two parts --

    1.part one the old one says --go ahead you will clear prelim-main-interview-LBS and all then this and then that........

    2.part two says -- u got old .. wasted your youth on upsc .. what u will get ? these jobs are too hefty .. they are like 24x7 job with no leave and weekend .. and nothing in return u will get (for the matter of fact being from a good institute of technology just increase all pain when u see all other enjoying foreign trips and vacation with there loved one).. upsc prep just gave u hairfall .. old age and nothing .. u will one day just forgot all knowledge u gain here with no applicaiton and the loss of youth will be there

    and yes there is a ego part of me ... which is much like hitler and trump putin .. like that leonardo dicaprio in django unchained (using all those example else govt of india will book me hate speech).. which think itself superior to other


    i didnt meant any offence and please understand that its very dificult to change people beleief .. however decision making need wisdom which clearly i am laking

    i have spend 30 years of my life till now just studying .. nothing else and now i thinking i miss life .. is life only means books and study . coz i have only exp them till now

    sometime feeling of suicide grip in .. (too strange when i study indian history ).. some religious study bring me to think as if this life is just a diluted hell tailormade for me .. we are aleready dead and this our helll


    and why i am writing this here coz only people who have exp pain cud understand other people .. .family/office everyone elese i am fool ... to me it just doesnt matter .. i stopped living for them long ago .. but now i have begin to question my own decision ... and news bring me depression .. i hate failure .. i never failed in anything else in life .. got what i wanted completelty or partialy .. except this UPSC thing.. when i started this journey i was energetic and now i feel lethargic ... the feeling of going to some old village with local mla goon or exp the colorfull(colors colours there are colors i hate some, i like some ) diversity of our country now dont intrest me .. and as a rule of thumb in my life i always considered myself best my decision best while others below me (proved this theory several time due to this thinking also ).. and sometime i think every oldie look like a foolhardy to me including me ...

    i respect logic even if its from enemy... like some monk calming a worrior .. i know there are monk in this forum ... plz provide a guide to life

    1st if all hats off to you for coming out and expressing your pain and sufferings so openly..It takes guts to do that!I can understand the pressure and pain you must be going through..But pls keep one thing in mind..Regret brings only sorrows..Don't regret the decision u took and try to build upon them..If possible get married and if not try to love yourself..It may sound a very clichéd word but it is so so important to love yourself for what you do.. Whenever you compare your career with your friends you are in essence reducing a part of love for yourself..
    I would also advise you to practice gratitude for what you have..You have Manny thing to be thankful for.. Exemplify those rather than exemplifying what you don't have..I have suffered from depression and anxiety disorders myslef and know a bit how to deal with it...Ignore whoever thinks you are weak...You are powerful beyond measures bro...

  • Started preparing in 2015 . Wasn't having much time to take coaching due to some family issues ..so just took coaching of optional and few gs subjects and go back to home.

    Friends have been able to get decent careers and all married . This puts pressure on me :-(

    Due to my family issues some time i am unable to focus on preparation . But still am trying to fight

    Currently am also unable to come out of reading phase .Haven't taken any tests so far .So lack confidence in writing .I have joined mgp test series but haven't given any tests .What i try is to do topics ache se and then give tests ..andthis ache se never happens. How to come to a stage where am able to write full tests ..

    Another issues concerning is job security . I cant go far off from my home town .So i am thnking to take SSC job like incOme t TAx inspector . But as competition is high am thinking to fully focus on ssc first..then give.my attempts after having a decent job ...


    Please share your views
    TIA

    Any support/motivation will be appreciated
    :)
  • Started preparing in 2015 . Wasn't having much time to take coaching due to some family issues ..so just took coaching of optional and few gs subjects and go back to home.

    Friends have been able to get decent careers and all married . This puts pressure on me :-(

    Due to my family issues some time i am unable to focus on preparation . But still am trying to fight

    Currently am also unable to come out of reading phase .Haven't taken any tests so far .So lack confidence in writing .I have joined mgp test series but haven't given any tests .What i try is to do topics ache se and then give tests ..andthis ache se never happens. How to come to a stage where am able to write full tests ..

    Another issues concerning is job security . I cant go far off from my home town .So i am thnking to take SSC job like incOme t TAx inspector . But as competition is high am thinking to fully focus on ssc first..then give.my attempts after having a decent job ...


    Please share your views
    TIA

    Any support/motivation will be appreciated
    :)
    Go full ballistic at SSC and stop not until you land a job. Then resume preparing for UPSC along with the job.

    Citizenmonk@gmail.com

    *Account not in use*

    Please contact me on email id above.
  • bhai situation serious h.. just take a break and go for marriage when you will have a partner you will be very happy and enjoy .. and thn give ur last attempt with full focus.. but dnt stop ur lyf and enjoyment for any exam ..because life toh chalti rhegi ...time nikalta rhaega sath sath tum bhi enjoy kro..exam toh bhut hote h yr sate psc bhi de sakte ho options bhut h..tum bss khush rhna sikho n dats it aur kch bhi nhi h
    light up ur Darkness to bright up ur Future...AJ
  • Gargi S said:

    Just set a deadline for yourself after which you're not going to give anymore attempts...meanwhile you can just talk to your friends or family to get constant motivation and god forbid if you don't clear this exam then please search for happiness may be in your wife, parents, do some social work, charity. Be a good son, a good husband and a better person.
    In the end its all about happiness and personal satisfaction.
    That's what I've learnt with time.I hope it may help you. :smile:

    i think dnt b good to anyone but just to urself
    light up ur Darkness to bright up ur Future...AJ
  • MahaRana said:

    bhai situation serious h.. just take a break and go for marriage when you will have a partner you will be very happy and enjoy .. and thn give ur last attempt with full focus.. but dnt stop ur lyf and enjoyment for any exam ..because life toh chalti rhegi ...time nikalta rhaega sath sath tum bhi enjoy kro..exam toh bhut hote h yr sate psc bhi de sakte ho options bhut h..tum bss khush rhna sikho n dats it aur kch bhi nhi h

    @The Wolf of Wall Street
    light up ur Darkness to bright up ur Future...AJ
  • Buddha : Conquer the desire. Pain will die eventually.


  • MahaRana said:

    Gargi S said:

    Just set a deadline for yourself after which you're not going to give anymore attempts...meanwhile you can just talk to your friends or family to get constant motivation and god forbid if you don't clear this exam then please search for happiness may be in your wife, parents, do some social work, charity. Be a good son, a good husband and a better person.
    In the end its all about happiness and personal satisfaction.
    That's what I've learnt with time.I hope it may help you. :smile:

    i think dnt b good to anyone but just to urself
    That may be another way of reaching the same destination i.e. happiness :smile:
  • Gargi S said:

    MahaRana said:

    Gargi S said:

    Just set a deadline for yourself after which you're not going to give anymore attempts...meanwhile you can just talk to your friends or family to get constant motivation and god forbid if you don't clear this exam then please search for happiness may be in your wife, parents, do some social work, charity. Be a good son, a good husband and a better person.
    In the end its all about happiness and personal satisfaction.
    That's what I've learnt with time.I hope it may help you. :smile:

    i think dnt b good to anyone but just to urself
    That may be another way of reaching the same destination i.e. happiness :smile:
    exactly B)
    light up ur Darkness to bright up ur Future...AJ
  • ramon said:

    FAILURE IN CSE , IS A STATISTICAL CERTAINTY

    Well said Bhai... Well said !!!! :p
    Decision toss karke liya tha, toss ka result dekh kar nahin...
  • edited April 9

    @ Wolf of Wall Street .
    Consider these facts :
    - I am in 30s with no employment at all and no work experience at all.
    - Suffered relationship trouble two years back.So still single .
    - Whatever jobs I used to apply . In one or the other sense , it always ended in failure .
    - Almost every other friend of mine is in civil services and some have completed even four or five years of service there .
    - No social recognition. Every other relative don't bother that even I m in existence .
    Feeling little bit happy .?Now continue reading ....
    Consider these facts now :
    - I am never been depressed only sad sometimes .
    - Always looks for the flip side if I am sad.
    -I never compare myself to others. Remember , do not compare yourself with other persons. Respect yourself . Life is not fair. The sooner you will realise it , easier would it be for you at peace with yourself.
    - I never thought the process of preparation as a mistake . I took this as the process of my self improvement . It is just a irony that , we study and read only for exams . Warren buffet life has been changed by just one book , 'the intelligent investor ' .
    - This June pre exam would possibly be my last attempt . I am just studying for it like I am preparing for the first time rectifying my mistakes while preparation .
    And consider these final points :
    - Have more control on your thoughts . I will recommend a book ' The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari'. One of my fav book.
    - Give more time to think what u want rather than what u not .
    - Have patience and relax . Life is not a thing to be taken seriously .
    - Finally , if you still want more thoughts , read Buddhism thoroughly . It will also help u in pre and mains exam .

    Get rid of negativity, in thoughts and from people. Have the spirit of a child, who does stupid things without thinking of consequences.
    No whatever you do, do it sincerely. Shaadi mein bhi sincerity rakhna,otherwise upsc ke chakkar mein wahan bhi fail ho sakte ho :p
    Decision toss karke liya tha, toss ka result dekh kar nahin...
  • I just have a question for you..
    Do you want success in life or satisfaction?

    Success is the parameter which is set by people around
    Satisfaction is totally decided by you. You are the ruler.

    N most importantly whether IAS is a job meant for you should not be your question. Ask yourself while in deep peace, are you meant for this job or have you become capable enough to be a part of it. Ask yourself... You will find your answer.
  • Life said:

    I just have a question for you..
    Do you want success in life or satisfaction?

    Success is the parameter which is set by people around
    Satisfaction is totally decided by you. You are the ruler.

    N most importantly whether IAS is a job meant for you should not be your question. Ask yourself while in deep peace, are you meant for this job or have you become capable enough to be a part of it. Ask yourself... You will find your answer.

    nobody meant for something ..you have to work for everything ..but yes 1st half is good..satisfaction is requied
    light up ur Darkness to bright up ur Future...AJ
  • ok now i am 30 and story might be similar to others .. gave mains sometime(numbers dont matter) and missed someby whisker (numbers dont matter again)..i am in job like govt one and it seems OK (no creature comfort ,rutba and other&)

    -about syllabus done with static part and doin the current part

    the thing bothering me is my age .. i am 30 .. unmarried .. and kids around call me uncle (yes it might sound amateurish but its to handle when all frinds young cousin got married..

    ...loss of youth will be there

    Okkk... So RaGa and Akhilesh Yadav are "yuva" netas but a 30 year aspirant is "OLD"... Get a perspective of things brother... Candidness doesn't necessarily have to be derived from self-bashing !!

    I too am 28, unmarried, in decent govt. job and preparing for UPSC on the sides, with 3 mains under my belt.

    Honest advice, from one quarter lifer to another - stay clear of kids below 15 !! Everywhere !! And especially from the kids of these neo-urban, middle class, young parents (25-35 age group). They tend to encourage their kids to call everything under the Sun as 'uncle' and 'aunt'. Must be deriving sadistic pleasure, I suppose. Something like, "We went down, but will bleed the remaining of you with thousand cuts" :D :D

    I know 'UNCLE' hurts, a lot. So, stay within your comfort zone, in your peer circle, in your known ambiance, as much as possible. Hey, it's always better to stay in UN peace camps rather than constantly dodging bullets out in Aleppo :joy: :joy:
  • edited April 10

    ok now i am 30 and story might be similar to others .. gave mains sometime(numbers dont matter) and missed someby whisker (numbers dont matter again)..i am in job like govt one and it seems OK (no creature comfort ,rutba and other&)

    -about syllabus done with static part and doin the current part

    the thing bothering me is my age .. i am 30 .. unmarried .. and kids around call me uncle (yes it might sound amateurish but its to handle when all frinds young cousin got married.. and the fact that i already hold govt job doesnt allows me to make bahana

    at this time even my decision-making-commitee is divided into two parts --

    1.part one the old one says --go ahead you will clear prelim-main-interview-LBS and all then this and then that........

    2.part two says -- u got old .. wasted your youth on upsc .. what u will get ? these jobs are too hefty .. they are like 24x7 job with no leave and weekend .. and nothing in return u will get (for the matter of fact being from a good institute of technology just increase all pain when u see all other enjoying foreign trips and vacation with there loved one).. upsc prep just gave u hairfall .. old age and nothing .. u will one day just forgot all knowledge u gain here with no applicaiton and the loss of youth will be there

    and yes there is a ego part of me ... which is much like hitler and trump putin .. like that leonardo dicaprio in django unchained (using all those example else govt of india will book me hate speech).. which think itself superior to other


    i didnt meant any offence and please understand that its very dificult to change people beleief .. however decision making need wisdom which clearly i am laking

    i have spend 30 years of my life till now just studying .. nothing else and now i thinking i miss life .. is life only means books and study . coz i have only exp them till now

    sometime feeling of suicide grip in .. (too strange when i study indian history ).. some religious study bring me to think as if this life is just a diluted hell tailormade for me .. we are aleready dead and this our helll


    and why i am writing this here coz only people who have exp pain cud understand other people .. .family/office everyone elese i am fool ... to me it just doesnt matter .. i stopped living for them long ago .. but now i have begin to question my own decision ... and news bring me depression .. i hate failure .. i never failed in anything else in life .. got what i wanted completelty or partialy .. except this UPSC thing.. when i started this journey i was energetic and now i feel lethargic ... the feeling of going to some old village with local mla goon or exp the colorfull(colors colours there are colors i hate some, i like some ) diversity of our country now dont intrest me .. and as a rule of thumb in my life i always considered myself best my decision best while others below me (proved this theory several time due to this thinking also ).. and sometime i think every oldie look like a foolhardy to me including me ...

    i respect logic even if its from enemy... like some monk calming a worrior .. i know there are monk in this forum ... plz provide a guide to life

    yaar aisa sady post mat dalo
    UPSC is tough
    in my journey with UPSC so far i have seen how much people struggled for UPSC I have seen very talented folks out of job for 4 years and eventually cracking it in 5th attempt. I have seen how many talented folks have resigned and switched jobs after jobs year after year and still caught in web of UPSC some in pre, some in mains and others in Interviews

    so all this frustration eventually makes a few people sad.

    but few things or facts of life
    1. UPSC isn't moksha --> even IAS is at an end of day is job. A few people resign it as they aren't very satisfied IAS. IPS and all services
    2. Be positive for your health and your family support --> remember how much a son/daughter of daily construction worker struggles even for these things which you have
    3. Baki stop visiting the forums -> Forums despite being source of socializing with people with same hobby (CSE Preparation) could trigger anxiety and frustration
    The Law of Detachment - be equanimous to both victories and defeats
  • Burger said:

    "...i am in job like govt one and it seems OK (no creature comfort ,rutba and other&)",
    rutbe ke liye depressed ho?

    @Ferrero_rocher and @JaiShriRam are psycological counselors of the forum. They can advice you something good.

    jee haa .. me hu khalnayak ... me rutbe ke liye hi depressed hu .. paisa dont attract me .. samajsewa/india dev is fine but u also know to core of your heart that delhi /punjab/bihar /j&k will be that way even if u become chief secreatary of any one state or cabinet sec.....paisa is fine but u know after some limit money dont matter (i am from IIT i know what money can and money cant by have seen lots of those story)....rutba is something money cant buy its precious .. plus the respect of people and society u just cant buy ... plus i am so so so fame hungry (to the level that i wanna do something to tell of my ancestor in hell/heaven of the work i did on the planet)............this is me bad ugly and selffish .. and i am not dead yet unfortunetely
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