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A jobless Indian male of 28 vents out.

1. Met a few study abroad consultants. Response was largely negative for Visa acceptance probability, owing to my long gap with no work experience.

2. Day 'fore yesterday, theft occurred at my room. Lost goods worth over a lakh. Macbook, a phone, Ray Ban aviator, passport, pan card, voter id card, bank account passbook, cheque book, few of my exam prep books (including the bag carrying them). Registered an FIR.

3. I feel so lonely. Totally.

4. Amount of Pressure to get married is unspeakable; from left, right & centre. Age running away.

5. 3 days ago, decided to quit preparing for IAS, & bought books to prepare for CGL , & Bank PO. Books were in the very bag that got stolen. Still not able to study and confidence is zero, when 24/7 all this is happening, both outside as well as inside my mind.

6. Now thinking of applying to dead end jobs or any other job for peanuts anywhere possible. Have forgotten all the relevant skills gained in mechanical engineering, like CAD, Pro-E etc. My mechanical engineering degree is a mere piece of paper now.

7. Holi being a festival of colors for most Hindus. For me, it's all black.

8. I think about my life, my ex colleagues, and how quick time has gone. I see how much everyone has progressed while I haven't even left the starting track. Life's fleeting, & I can't do a thing about it.

9. My world has shrinked to these 4 walls. No social life. No social skills. No career. No partner. No friends. No prestige. No relatives. No life.

10. All this while, we've been fed a lie. A lie that it gets better. No it doesn't. Everyday is just too much. Willpower is finite. A man can't take beyond a certain point. Just like a weighing machine can't take weights above a certain limit. It breaks down. Same is the case with man. Everyday the burden is increasing exponentially. Exponentially! Everyday! I'm only prolonging my pain.

- Plight of a jobless Indian male of 28, with no work experience, no work skills, no friends, no social life, no social skills, no life, no confidence, and NO HOPE!

Sometimes I feel like I need to move to some obscure nation and live in anonymity there to the extent of changing my very name, doing odd jobs for survival. (But then I'm worried about my mum, the only person that loves, likes, and cares about me). And I can't get VISA.

I want to run away. Run away from everything, including myself. I feel imprisoned in this body, room, society & world.

There's a way out though. I can be saved if I experience EGO DEATH. Ego death as in spiritual context. Something that Buddha and Jain experienced, in other words; enlightenment, awakening, detachment. Detachment from the very belief system. The belief system owing to my past accomplishments or where I come from or even my belief system that got shaped due to my family's aspirations of me in the past, which subconsciously became my own aspirations.

Have to let go of this ego to the extent that if I get to work at dead end job , I don't get hurt. Or if I get to work as Fortune 500 CEO, I don't feel elated. Same be the case with kind of spouse I get. Or if someone tries to humiliate or glorify me, I remain the same. That's ego death, detachment, enlightenment, or awakening for me. To advance without attachment.


Lyrics of a song (Susie exists in the song alone. Alas! not in real life) -

youtu.be/1TB1x67Do5U

On a bridge across the Severn on a Saturday night
Susie meets the man of her dreams
He says that he got in trouble and if she doesn't mind
He doesn't want the company

But there's something in the air, they share a look in silence
And everything is understood
Susie grabs her man and puts a grip on his hand
As the rain puts a tear in his eye

She says, "Don't let go
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life
Don't let go
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life"

Driving through the city to the Temple Station
Cries into the leather seat
And Susie knows the baby was a family man
But the world has got him down on his knees

So she throws him at the wall and kisses burn like fire
And suddenly he starts to believe
He takes her in his arms and he doesn't know why
But he thinks that he begins to see

She says, "Don't let go
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life
Don't let go
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life"

Don't let go
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life
Don't let go
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life

She says, "Don't let go
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life
Don't let go
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life"

Don't let go
Don't let go
Don't let go
Don't let go
Where must we go, we who wander this wasteland, in search of our better selves?
·
«13456713

Comments

  • edited March 12
    Go beat someone or get beaten. Get into a fist fight. An actual fist fight where you get to take punches. Not gaali-galauj or maa-behen. That's for idiots and pussies and dead people.

    Fight, where pure animal inside you is left loose. Where you operate out of your lower cortex - the reptilian and mammalian brain. Not the brain which has developed since cro-magnum man arrived some 2.3 million years ago. The pure animal part of brain which has been developing for some 2 billion years. Which only knows fight or flight.

    I was in your situation an year ago. I can tell from experience, fighting opens you up like anything. You get a new perspective of things. You drain that fear inside of you which holds you back. And you stop believing in God.

    Once you lose the need to preserve your existence, you can do anything. Any fucking thing. Even the universe will start favoring you.
    ·
  • @psychopath has gone through or a similar kind condition
    Plzz psychopath use best of ur knowledge to soothe this man



    From my side just one suggestion
    COLLECT YOURSELF <3
    ·
  • pks11630 said:

    Go beat someone or get beaten. Get into a fist fight. An actual fist fight where you get to take punches. Not gaali-galauj or maa-behen. That's for idiots and pussies and dead people.

    Fight, where pure animal inside you is left loose. Where you operate out of your lower cortex - the reptilian and mammalian brain. Not the brain which has developed since cro-magnum man arrived some 2.3 million years ago. The pure animal part of brain which has been developing for some 2 billion years. Which only knows fight or flight.

    I was in your situation an year ago. I can tell from experience, fighting opens you up like anything. You get a new perspective of things. You drain that fear inside of you which holds you back. And you stop believing in God.

    Once you lose the need to preserve your existence, you can do anything. Any fucking thing. Even the universe will start favoring you.

    reptilian, mammalian.... wo pahle se hi paresani me hai, usme tu musibat mol lene ko bol riya. @CitizenMonk bhai tough things happen to people who have capacity to handle/bear them. Its God's plan. You gotta believe God or answer question of mine @ http://discuss.forumias.com/discussion/23545/any-physics-guy-what-existed-before-big-bang-just-curiosity/#Item_17 Thodi himmat aur insaniyat dikhao yar, kuch waqt baad sab thik ho jaayega.
    God is great.
    ·
  • edited March 12
    JohnPaul said:

    pks11630 said:

    Go beat someone or get beaten. Get into a fist fight. An actual fist fight where you get to take punches. Not gaali-galauj or maa-behen. That's for idiots and pussies and dead people.

    Fight, where pure animal inside you is left loose. Where you operate out of your lower cortex - the reptilian and mammalian brain. Not the brain which has developed since cro-magnum man arrived some 2.3 million years ago. The pure animal part of brain which has been developing for some 2 billion years. Which only knows fight or flight.

    I was in your situation an year ago. I can tell from experience, fighting opens you up like anything. You get a new perspective of things. You drain that fear inside of you which holds you back. And you stop believing in God.

    Once you lose the need to preserve your existence, you can do anything. Any fucking thing. Even the universe will start favoring you.

    reptilian, mammalian.... wo pahle se hi paresani me hai, usme tu musibat mol lene ko bol riya. @CitizenMonk bhai tough things happen to people who have capacity to handle/bear them. Its God's plan. You gotta believe God or answer question of mine @ http://discuss.forumias.com/discussion/23545/any-physics-guy-what-existed-before-big-bang-just-curiosity/#Item_17 Thodi himmat aur insaniyat dikhao yar, kuch waqt baad sab thik ho jaayega.
    God's plan? Fucking Great !!

    So God wanted this child of His to suffer and burn and writhe in pain and be condemned to life of drudgery and agony.

    If that is your God's plan, I show both my middle fingers to such God of yours.
    May your God bring down His wrath upon me with is His full might. Let's see who is powerful. My will or your God.
    ·
  • edited March 12

    1. Met a few study abroad consultants. Response was largely negative for Visa acceptance probability, owing to my long gap with no work experience.

    2. Day 'fore yesterday, theft occurred at my room. Lost goods worth over a lakh. Macbook, a phone, Ray Ban aviator, passport, pan card, voter id card, bank account passbook, cheque book, few of my exam prep books (including the bag carrying them). Registered an FIR.

    3. I feel so lonely. Totally.

    4. Amount of Pressure to get married is unspeakable; from left, right & centre. Age running away.

    5. 3 days ago, decided to quit preparing for IAS, & bought books to prepare for CGL , & Bank PO. Books were in the very bag that got stolen. Still not able to study and confidence is zero, when 24/7 all this is happening, both outside as well as inside my mind.

    6. Now thinking of applying to dead end jobs or any other job for peanuts anywhere possible. Have forgotten all the relevant skills gained in mechanical engineering, like CAD, Pro-E etc. My mechanical engineering degree is a mere piece of paper now.

    7. Holi being a festival of colors for most Hindus. For me, it's all black.

    8. I think about my life, my ex colleagues, and how quick time has gone. I see how much everyone has progressed while I haven't even left the starting track. Life's fleeting, & I can't do a thing about it.

    9. My world has shrinked to these 4 walls. No social life. No social skills. No career. No partner. No friends. No prestige. No relatives. No life.

    10. All this while, we've been fed a lie. A lie that it gets better. No it doesn't. Everyday is just too much. Willpower is finite. A man can't take beyond a certain point. Just like a weighing machine can't take weights above a certain limit. It breaks down. Same is the case with man. Everyday the burden is increasing exponentially. Exponentially! Everyday! I'm only prolonging my pain.

    - Plight of a jobless Indian male of 28, with no work experience, no work skills, no friends, no social life, no social skills, no life, no confidence, and NO HOPE!

    Sometimes I feel like I need to move to some obscure nation and live in anonymity there to the extent of changing my very name, doing odd jobs for survival. (But then I'm worried about my mum, the only person that loves, likes, and cares about me). And I can't get VISA.

    I want to run away. Run away from everything, including myself. I feel imprisoned in this body, room, society & world.

    There's a way out though. I can be saved if I experience EGO DEATH. Ego death as in spiritual context. Something that Buddha and Jain experienced, in other words; enlightenment, awakening, detachment. Detachment from the very belief system. The belief system owing to my past accomplishments or where I come from or even my belief system that got shaped due to my family's aspirations of me in the past, which subconsciously became my own aspirations.

    Have to let go of this ego to the extent that if I get to work at dead end job , I don't get hurt. Or if I get to work as Fortune 500 CEO, I don't feel elated. Same be the case with kind of spouse I get. Or if someone tries to humiliate or glorify me, I remain the same. That's ego death, detachment, enlightenment, or awakening for me. To advance without attachment.


    Lyrics of a song (Susie exists in the song alone. Alas! not in real life) -

    youtu.be/1TB1x67Do5U

    On a bridge across the Severn on a Saturday night
    Susie meets the man of her dreams
    He says that he got in trouble and if she doesn't mind
    He doesn't want the company

    But there's something in the air, they share a look in silence
    And everything is understood
    Susie grabs her man and puts a grip on his hand
    As the rain puts a tear in his eye

    She says, "Don't let go
    Never give up, it's such a wonderful life
    Don't let go
    Never give up, it's such a wonderful life"

    Driving through the city to the Temple Station
    Cries into the leather seat
    And Susie knows the baby was a family man
    But the world has got him down on his knees

    So she throws him at the wall and kisses burn like fire
    And suddenly he starts to believe
    He takes her in his arms and he doesn't know why
    But he thinks that he begins to see

    She says, "Don't let go
    Never give up, it's such a wonderful life
    Don't let go
    Never give up, it's such a wonderful life"

    Don't let go
    Never give up, it's such a wonderful life
    Don't let go
    Never give up, it's such a wonderful life

    She says, "Don't let go
    Never give up, it's such a wonderful life
    Don't let go
    Never give up, it's such a wonderful life"

    Don't let go
    Don't let go
    Don't let go
    Don't let go

    same here, but I am 30

    if it helps the KFC chicken founder started at age 55 and became a millionaire in 30 years and died content at 88. You never know. If it's success you want, then age no bar.

    Here's a tip. Go to a small village. Get a good internet connection. Teach at the nearby polytechnic college. A b.tech degree will be great. You will have good 6-8 hours to study after teaching. Simplicity of a village can be a good soul food.
    ·
  • Apply for govt jobs bro.if u have cleared prelims then u are very much capable of clearing these govt exams.PSU,ssc,bank etc mein try karo.
    Ps-upsc released advt in your discipline in geological survey of india apply for that.gic re is also recruiting apply for that as well.this would keep ur mind occupied
    ·
  • First enjoy this video.

    ·
  • pks11630 said:

    Go beat someone or get beaten. Get into a fist fight. An actual fist fight where you get to take punches. Not gaali-galauj or maa-behen. That's for idiots and pussies and dead people.

    Fight, where pure animal inside you is left loose. Where you operate out of your lower cortex - the reptilian and mammalian brain. Not the brain which has developed since cro-magnum man arrived some 2.3 million years ago. The pure animal part of brain which has been developing for some 2 billion years. Which only knows fight or flight.

    I was in your situation an year ago. I can tell from experience, fighting opens you up like anything. You get a new perspective of things. You drain that fear inside of you which holds you back. And you stop believing in God.

    Once you lose the need to preserve your existence, you can do anything. Any fucking thing. Even the universe will start favoring you.

    quite a bit of fight club movie philosophy
    ·
  • Good to know that someone is as miserable in life as I am. Each word of yours sounds like as if I wrote it abt myself.
    N yes I too have come to terms with the fact that it's not gonna get better. It's too late now.This yr would b my last attempt and then I would move to banking exams too with my dead ego.

    The only take out of this entire episode will be that there is no god. Some lessons are learnt the hard way.
    I have failed upsc mains a couple of times.
    ·
  • Never be too harsh on yourself. What good this life be if we dont value ourselves? Be with the person you like most, yes, your mother. Share a cup of tea with her. Speak about everything. It would act as a therapy. When nothing works, a moment of warmth with the people who gave us life can really do wonders. Smile please. o:)
    ·
  • pks11630 said:

    Go beat someone or get beaten. Get into a fist fight. An actual fist fight where you get to take punches. Not gaali-galauj or maa-behen. That's for idiots and pussies and dead people.

    Fight, where pure animal inside you is left loose. Where you operate out of your lower cortex - the reptilian and mammalian brain. Not the brain which has developed since cro-magnum man arrived some 2.3 million years ago. The pure animal part of brain which has been developing for some 2 billion years. Which only knows fight or flight.

    I was in your situation an year ago. I can tell from experience, fighting opens you up like anything. You get a new perspective of things. You drain that fear inside of you which holds you back. And you stop believing in God.

    Once you lose the need to preserve your existence, you can do anything. Any fucking thing. Even the universe will start favoring you.


    Hahaha... Fight like an animal? I say cut the middle man. Fight an animal. :D




    A Lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of the sheep.
    ·
  • do watch this
    ·
  • Would it help if I told you that I am in exact same position as you, only I am 31, and I have no ducking clue what I will do next in life. See the brighter side you are just 28.
    ·
  • Hey,
    I know sort of how one feels after failing in this exam. But I would also say that continue what you started. You said you bought books for bank po and ssc cgl....give them. Plus since you are very worried, upload a nice CV on naukri and see if you get some calls. Believe me you will feel better when you find all is not closed for you. It is never so. Something will always be there for you. Even if nothing works you can still teach school kids in maths and science. So take heart and just find a job. It will soothe you!
    ·
  • edited March 12
    @CitizenMonk Hi! Brother. Let me share my story with you. I did my 12th in 2009 with 90+ % marks and cleared JEE with a three digit rank and secured admission in my dream college, in my dream branch. I had the love of my life by my side. But due to some health complications, I dropped out in third year. Severely Unwell( to the point of death) Dejected. Broken. Clue-less. Helpless. These adjectives described my condition in an apt manner. My best friend/sister lost her life to cancer. And the icing on the cake was my love leaving me for someone else after being with me for 6 years They got married last month. I am still not over these things. My dropping-out haunts me till date, I still love her. I am unable to feel for anyone else.

    But, during the same transition period; I made myself a promise that I will not back down and I will fight whether victorious or not, that is altogether a different story. Fortunately, I got well and joined a local degree college where I was called as uncle by my class-mates for 3 years continuously. My relatives used to taunt me, lost all my friends, lost everyone. Only my parents understood my plight and stood by my side. I took strength from them and started walking again. Topped the university in graduation. Wrote CAT, got a decent %ile, cleared a couple of other exams including Govt. Jobs' exams. Didn't join them because it was during my grad days and I had faked my grad. qualification because I just wanted to write those exams to get my confidence back.

    So, the gist of all this is; It is your fight, you've to fight it and fight it well. I know you just wanted to rant, I too do it and it does make me feel better. But once I feel better, I focus my energies on my priorities. So, Decide a game and bash on!

    My Best,
    A
    No Matter, How Bad Things Get, Something Good is Out There, Just Over The Horizon!
    ·
  • pks11630 said:

    Go beat someone or get beaten. Get into a fist fight. An actual fist fight where you get to take punches. Not gaali-galauj or maa-behen. That's for idiots and pussies and dead people.

    Fight, where pure animal inside you is left loose. Where you operate out of your lower cortex - the reptilian and mammalian brain. Not the brain which has developed since cro-magnum man arrived some 2.3 million years ago. The pure animal part of brain which has been developing for some 2 billion years. Which only knows fight or flight.

    I was in your situation an year ago. I can tell from experience, fighting opens you up like anything. You get a new perspective of things. You drain that fear inside of you which holds you back. And you stop believing in God.

    Once you lose the need to preserve your existence, you can do anything. Any fucking thing. Even the universe will start favoring you.


    Hahaha... Fight like an animal? I say cut the middle man. Fight an animal. :D

    image


    What better animal to fight than man himself. The most intelligent and evolved of all animals.

    It works. People won't understand it upfront, but it does.

    One year later, I am an officer in Rajasthan and have cleared CSM 2016. Success mantra is not always what VisionIAS or some lame-ass topper wants you to believe.

    I want to finally get selected this time to prove myself that I was right in my own way. I won't be able to tell this to people once I get selected, for obvious reasons.

    The cloak of anonymity is allowing me to be frank and brutally honest here. And I want people to know that this has happened too. They are not the only ones who have failed and suffered terrible pain. There was someone else too who suffered before them and came out clean.
    ·
  • Keep Calm and Prepare for SSC CGL 2017-itll be childsplay for you.

    If possible read this book: "The obstacle is the way" - by Ryan Holiday.All the best my friend.May God be with you.
    One step,One Punch,One Round At a Time.
    How you do anything is how you do everything.
    ·
  • There's no god, no afterlife, no meaning of life, no purpose of life, no guarantees in life, no avoiding death, no escape from pain, no benefit by doing good, no harm in doing bad (unless caught)...

    No dharma, No arth, No kama, No moksha.

    Very existence is an illusion that we cling to out of the existential fear.

    Let go of that fear. Accept your self for the inconsequential blip of consciousness that you are in spacetime.

    Become fearless, lifeless, timeless, soulless, emotionless.

    Then look back at your life...

    And laugh...

    Like a child laughs at the antics of grownups.

    Be free.

    Live your life to the fullest while it lasts within your means.

    By all means fight for a better life. But don't lose your life in the process.

    Nothing matters. In the end, we're all dead.

    Enjoy.
    Dead and departed player. RIP.
    ·
  • edited March 12
    ..
    An Ounce of Action Is Worth a Ton of Theory
    ·
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