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Essay Review and Suggestions

edited September 2016 in Essay
Didn't find any similar thread hence created a new one.
Please review my essay and suggest any corrections needed.

Requesting @neyawn @JonSnow @Sleeplessnights_89 @Yo_Yo_Choti_Singh to have a look

Any help from others also much appreciated. Thanks in advance :)

Please feel free to post your own essays.
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Mutant Macha
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Comments

  • Nobody ? :/
    Mutant Macha
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  • edited September 2016
    @Neyawn sir please have a look and give me your review. I have never written mains and any help would be invaluable :)
    Mutant Macha
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  • Ant_Man said:

    @Neyawn sir please have a look and give me your review. I have never written mains and any help would be invaluable :)

    Sir,

    Give me 1-2 days. I am a lot caught up with a few things. Prima Facie, your essay is good. @JonSnow can give a better feedback.
    Currently Answering Questions on ForumIAS | Do not call me Sir, I am no Knight |
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  • edited September 2016
    .
    History Optional
    "Let the fear find you again "
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  • edited September 2016
    Neyawn said:

    Ant_Man said:

    @Neyawn sir please have a look and give me your review. I have never written mains and any help would be invaluable :)

    Sir,

    Give me 1-2 days. I am a lot caught up with a few things. Prima Facie, your essay is good. @JonSnow can give a better feedback.
    No problem :) anytime you're free please have a look :)
    Thank you for replying :)
    Mutant Macha
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  • Nice write up..

    +ves-

    #multi dimensions

    #simple sentences

    #linkages

    etc etc

    -ves-

    #sometimes structure dwindling.. for example mentioning religious disruptions after industrial disruption ..chronological arrangement would have given better flow perhaps

    #few grammatical errors ..keep a tab on verbs/helping verbs and subject verb agreement issues..bcz in essay it matters..


    #Economic dimension missing.. give that side example also if possible

    #underlining of few important points missing.. it is important IMO

    #many other scientific innovation of current time missed...like RDNA technology / Stem cells / Nanotechnology / WHATSAPP /FB /latest Reliance Jio 4g concept etc ..just broad mention of Digital Revolution is not enough.. you should hv given few specifics details as SCIENCE IS MOST IMPORTANT DISRUPTOR ..

    #conclusion could have been better..like few eloborative and tangible solutions..finally conclude that

    "Innovative disruption are like KNIFE /a tool ..it depends on how one uses it..!!" ..Or

    "A necessary evil"..need to maximize positives and minimize negatives etc etc



    PS- I KNOW NOTHING.. I AM NO EXPERT OF ESSAY ..So take as per need :) perhaps other friends can help better and deeper !!
    Being IAS... 4 U Onlyyy... :-)
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  • @Yo_Yo_Choti_Singh awesome review choti bhai :) . thanks a lot .
    What is your take on quotes ? And this essay where can one implement quotes ? :)
    Mutant Macha
    ·
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