ForumIAS Prelims 2018 Open Test:Result Declared
A score of 80+ would be a good score whereas 70+ is a decent score.To Check Result Click here
There are some changes in Solution and Answer Key. Click here

Essay Review and Suggestions

edited September 2016 in Essay
Didn't find any similar thread hence created a new one.
Please review my essay and suggest any corrections needed.

Requesting @neyawn @JonSnow @Sleeplessnights_89 @Yo_Yo_Choti_Singh to have a look

Any help from others also much appreciated. Thanks in advance :)

Please feel free to post your own essays.
Essay_1.jpg
2180 x 2836 - 704K
Essay_2.jpg
1776 x 2360 - 373K
Essay_4.jpg
1864 x 2484 - 399K
Essay_3.jpg
1816 x 2360 - 390K
Essay_5.jpg
1808 x 2372 - 397K
Essay_6.jpg
1888 x 2096 - 248K

Comments

  • edited September 2016
    @Neyawn sir please have a look and give me your review. I have never written mains and any help would be invaluable :)
  • Ant_Man said:

    @Neyawn sir please have a look and give me your review. I have never written mains and any help would be invaluable :)

    Sir,

    Give me 1-2 days. I am a lot caught up with a few things. Prima Facie, your essay is good. @JonSnow can give a better feedback.
    *No good deed goes unpunished*
  • edited September 2016
    .
    History Optional
    "Let the fear find you again "
  • edited September 2016
    Neyawn said:

    Ant_Man said:

    @Neyawn sir please have a look and give me your review. I have never written mains and any help would be invaluable :)

    Sir,

    Give me 1-2 days. I am a lot caught up with a few things. Prima Facie, your essay is good. @JonSnow can give a better feedback.
    No problem :) anytime you're free please have a look :)
    Thank you for replying :)
  • Nice write up..

    +ves-

    #multi dimensions

    #simple sentences

    #linkages

    etc etc

    -ves-

    #sometimes structure dwindling.. for example mentioning religious disruptions after industrial disruption ..chronological arrangement would have given better flow perhaps

    #few grammatical errors ..keep a tab on verbs/helping verbs and subject verb agreement issues..bcz in essay it matters..


    #Economic dimension missing.. give that side example also if possible

    #underlining of few important points missing.. it is important IMO

    #many other scientific innovation of current time missed...like RDNA technology / Stem cells / Nanotechnology / WHATSAPP /FB /latest Reliance Jio 4g concept etc ..just broad mention of Digital Revolution is not enough.. you should hv given few specifics details as SCIENCE IS MOST IMPORTANT DISRUPTOR ..

    #conclusion could have been better..like few eloborative and tangible solutions..finally conclude that

    "Innovative disruption are like KNIFE /a tool ..it depends on how one uses it..!!" ..Or

    "A necessary evil"..need to maximize positives and minimize negatives etc etc



    PS- I KNOW NOTHING.. I AM NO EXPERT OF ESSAY ..So take as per need :) perhaps other friends can help better and deeper !!
    Being IAS... 4 U Onlyyy... :-)
  • @Yo_Yo_Choti_Singh awesome review choti bhai :) . thanks a lot .
    What is your take on quotes ? And this essay where can one implement quotes ? :)
Sign In or Join to comment.

Courses by ForumIAS for CSE
ForumIAS is trusted by over 10,000+ students for their Prelims, Mains and Interview Preparation and we currently run several assistance programs to help students from Civil Services prelims preparation to rank upgradation to IAS. You can enroll for these programs by visiting http://blog.forumias.com/courses

Welcome!

We are a secret self-moderated community for Civil Services preparation. Feel free to join, start a discussion, answer a question or just to say Thank you.

Just dont spread the word ;)

Sign in or join with Facebook or Google

Subscribe to ForumIAS Blog